Learning All the Time

I had to put this up-- what a lovely video. Plus I love the accents, especially on the children.

The end was the most beautiful to me-- the bird flying, the child spinning and dancing. Beautiful!
New film --short and very sweet.

Thanks, Rachel, for this..:)

All Things Work Together for Good

I had a little gift from above yesterday. For the past couple of years I would take my older son out now and then to chat about where he is, where he might be going, how we can work together to help him get there, and just shoot the breeze.

Usually it is pretty short and he is not too interested.

Yesterday we went out for coffee and talked for 2 hours. And he was the one that kept bringing things up. This article by Allison McKee was a great jumping off place.

I couldn't believe two hours had gone by.

I saw some things so clearly from our time together. Kids can change incredibly in a few months or years. You know how a toddler can be so different at age 13 months compared to 18 months. Well, if you have teens you also know they can, too. They can 'see' things at 17 that maybe they did not at 15 or 16. They are growing, maturing. All this work is happening on the inside that we can't see. I guess that is why we are told to just be patient... and pay attention.

We talked about options, what others have done through the teen years and beyond, his interests, things he would like to pursue and how I can help make that happen.
What he needs to do, what I need to do, what might be, and that we can't really know what will happen and that is ok. We have a pseudo plan, open to change which also will make Dad happier. The afternoon was a gift to me, a gift of encouragment from God I feel.

And it told me to stop listening to the voices out there. The parents pushing kids to college, or the ones who blame kids and don't push them. It is so easy to internalize. Or see kids who are not going anywhere and fear that is where you will be one day, not knowing what to do.

I feel the idea of 'paying attention' and keeping communication open is so important. And let them feel heard. And know you expect great things of them, and are on their side.

While I was spinning on the bike at the Y this morning my mind drifted back to when my son was 9. I was trying to get him to do math worksheets. This was a double whammy because both 'math' and 'worksheets' have never been a strength of his. I was so frustrated. I felt very strongly it was me against him. I had to make him do this.

It was then I first understood that this was wrong. I am ON his side. Yes, I expect great things of him, and it is his life to live, but I am his supporter, his facilitator, his cheerleader. It is not me *against* him. It is me *for* him, and being for him might mean many aspects of parenting, such as discipline, structure and correction. But it all works together for the good.

We are working together for the good.

The last analogy I thought of as I was huffing and puffing on the bike was my health goals. I have been working hard the past few months to get (back) in shape. Sometimes I would feel it is me against my body. Why is it still flabby? Why is the scale not going down? Dumb body!

But I realize that my body is simply reacting naturally to the stimlus it gets - execise and nutrition. It is part of me. I am part of it. Mind-Body-Spirit.
I felt a bit ill this week, so took some time off from exercising and today had a light workout. Instead of pushing myself, I listened to my body. We are working together now. Working together for good.

And, this all reminds me of how God works in our life. Ups, downs, successes, failures... he is in it all. He is in my son, my body, my workouts, my family the people I meet that challenge and irk me. It all works together for the good. If I can just keep that present in my mind.

Our Teens' Paths

I have been thinking reading (again) lately about our children's, specifically our teen's paths. How much do we help 'steer', how do we help them find their way?

The solution when I was a kid was that children followed a set course, i.e. school.

The marker was grades.
The goal was high SAT/ACTs and college.
The ultimate goal was a good paying career.

I am thankful I have come to an understanding as a parent that there are larger goals. "Heaven Not Harvard", as one dear homeschool mom says. I mean, it could be *both* Heaven and Harvard, but it would be so if that was where God wanted the child. So, still, no set formula. Lots of prayer and uncertainty-- Ah I love parenting! :-)

In focusing on helping my dc find their strengths and interests and spending my time encouraging and facilitating those, I see they have had time to discover this in themselves and have a sense of self. I hope the sense of God's purpose follows, too. I told my son the other day that he is already way ahead of me in that- I never considered or understood God had a purpose for me until I was well into my 30s! So even if he has no clue what it is right now, he knows it exists. God's hand is firmly in our lives.

On the UC list recently we have been talking about when dc waft. Otherwise known as 'lulls'... or not behaving in a way where we can see schooly learning or really anything.

I have read a lot on this in the past and believe this is not only not BAD but it is necessary. John Holt, Charlotte Mason and now Plato (of which I am reading right now) understood that a child needs time to think, process and let the inputs of the world come together in his mind. John Taylor Gatto expresses this in Dumbing Us Down as he talks about traditional schools and all the 'bells' and 'no place to hide'.

Our kids have a place to 'hide' and I think that is one of the most precious gifts we can give them. I love to hide when I need to, then emerge and embrace the world when it is time. St. Francis of Asissi knew this, too. He said to be able to go out into the world and do your work, you much have time in prayer and solitute to recharge, reconnect with God.

Also in my reading about Intorvert/Extroverts and personality types, I see it over and over- we must know ourselves and nurture ourselves and recharge. And connect with God.

But moms often worry about wafting and drifing... it is difficult as the world tells you 'action' is good. Gosh we see that with adults all the time. BUSY is a badge of honor. Busy can be good, too, but lulls are not seen as productive.

Maybe it is about learning to see the value in the lulls. And recognizing when someone might need help moving back to the world. Humm...

Last night I read a few more things that helped my perspective. On Joyce Fetterolls site Joyfully Rejoycing- I found again that, wow. this site is a great antidote for the unschooling jitters...

Joyce talked about what causes kids to become addicted- really another form of 'dropping out' - Bad Wafting. Some mom asked about TV. Joyce says if a child is 'addicted' to something it is not the 'something' that is causing it. It is the unhappy child. Why are they unhappy? Most probably because they are not understood, listened to and connected with. If you have a child that recieves that then the drifting/wafting will probably be a healthy thing, not a lack of connection or 'running from life'.

This gave me a lot to think about and some comfort. Though there is not a definitive *answer*.

I also re-read most of Allison McKee's From Homeschool to College and Work. In addressing what best prepares a child for college she said the MOST important thing (in her opinion) is they become an expert in something. Anything. Her son's passion was fly fishing. It is amazing to read about him and all the facets of life he learned from the tying, researching, etc he did.

But, Allison said, if they see your child loved something enough to learn and live it, the powers that be (college admissions and the like) will know how to reserach and learn any subject. This is why they LOVE unschoolers. Again we are on the cutting edge, friends, as we venture into the future. How much of the past can we let go of? lol

Again, as Joyce writes, it is like letting go of the side of the pool in the deep end. Where are my floaties?

I am of course influened by my past and experience, in that I was so prepared for 'school' I could have probably gotten a degree in any subject. Maybe without passion, but I could have by sheer momentum.. :) I wonder what it is like to not have the schooly background, but to have passion. How would one apply themselves to life? What keeps them going if they are not focused on artificial goals?

I am trying to explain to my sons the balance of the artificial goals (the 'tickets' of grades, classes, etc to get them to the 'next level') and the passion goals. It is going to be fun to see where my boys head. They are ready; that is what I hear from all the sane voices. I kind of wish I had had the same background as they do, the base from which to start. No preconceptions, no 'one path'... and lots of passion.

Ok.. gotta let go of the sides. :)

Two Quotes

Awesome post from Leonie.

I like how she sees things from this point of view and ties John Holt to our Holy Father.. wonderful!

What Kind of Homeschooling?

Lovely post by Donna, here.

Expressed much of my life and feelings about our homeschooling journey. Thanks, Donna!

Our Independence Day

I have been thinking a lot lately about what I want my boys to learn. Leonie has had an interesting discussion on her blog about what she requires in homeschooling.

"Requirements" is a completely different post, which I am formulating in my head and hope to post soon. To me it is not a certain list, but a way of life. More on that later.

But, as I was thinking about what ideas or ideals I want my boys to ponder in these learning years, the topics related to our celebration of America's independence rose to the top.

We live in a difficult time, one of many in history. As it said in scripture, we are in a time in which what is good is bad, what is bad is good, what is up is down and down is up. Today that is called political correctness. If one publicly asserts a moral code they are attacked as being intolerant or worse. And, so of course patriotism has become confused in the mire and is often branded as racism.

With immigration things are even more confusing. It begs the question of whether we can be a soverign nation within the culture of political correctness. And more fully, can we be a Christian nation in action and principle, welcoming to all peoples as our faith teaches us, while also protecting our nation and nurtuing its future.

This post will not try and answer those questions, but they are things I ponder and I share with my sons. They will be living in this world a generation past all of us and our grandchildren will inherit it after them. What kind of world will they live in? And what will our country look like in that global scenario? Our children will be facing these issues and hopefully will be leaders in thought and action.

I heard a survey yesterday that by 3 to 1 Americans think things will be worse for our children and not better. But there are voices who think they will be better. I want to be one of those voices. Prayer is foremost. But secondly we must have knowledge.

I think the answers to this depends on us and our children understanding our country, where it came from and where it has the potential to go, all while translating through our faith and God's dominion.


The demographic face of the United States is changing. How does that square with the ideals first set forth for this country? Was the founding of our country based on race, religion or ethnic make up? Is there room for all?

When we look at the immigration at the end of the 19th century, we see a true melting pot. What was it that brought people to want to live here when there were no handouts, welfare or groups to protect and feed the poor? What brought them all here without guarantees?

As I read and research I find a common bond for the founding of America. It is based on a creed. Ideals. The ideals are that of freedom (religious, economic, etc) and democracy. That implied that if you came to this country, you were not guaranteed the security that a large government or monarchy could provide. But you could live your life in freedom. Thus, the majority of those who came were self-starters, hard workers and not in search of a mother country to take care of them.

That is what has led to much of America's economic success, we were founded by self-starters.

We also were founded by people who had a deep belief in God. For example, as the first Continential Convention was about to give up in frustration, Benjamin Franklin stopped the meeting and called for prayer. They ceased all discussion and prayed, and then went on to finish the job.

George Washington truly was a towering figure, the real father of our country, and I think we have lost a lot of that recognition today. He could have been King of America. He was offered that in lieu of being President. He flatly refused and King George III was amazed and greatly impressed by this truly magnificent man. These were the kinds of people who began our country, despite the writings of the revisionist authors of today.

How does that figure into the America of today, which is a very different country in a different world from that in the 1700's. Can our constitution and founding ideas carry us through for two more centuries? Are the ideas outdated?

That is what I want my family and I to explore. We are going back to the roots to understand who the people were and what they stood for when they broke away from King George III of England.

To me, that is the basis of being able to make sense of where America can go in the future. Are we still a creedo nation? We are especially no longer bound by race, economic group or culture. When we began we were 90% English and most completely Christian. But what bound us together were the founding ideals.

Are those ideals still enough to hold together our country? And if so, how do they translate to guide us in our current issues of immigration, world policy, environmentalism, welfare, and a host of others.

What I want to give my boys is a foundation from which to be able to sort out the world and have vision into the future. Like the wonderful quote: Those who do not understand history are bound to repeat it." I feel that if we don't understand the roots of where we come from we can't know where we are going. Or if it is worth the trip, and particularly if it is worth fighting for.

Because we are currently in a fight to save our nation, from threats without and within.

We are starting with some basic review of the founding of the nation. We read some nice Sonlight and other books in past years, as well as study of our government and how it works. We have read through the Declaration of Independence and Constitution briefly in years past. All along we have followed current events, elections, politics and world events.

I hope to review our founders and history again with an eye to applying it to today's issues. Also we are reading from ,The Spirit of America edited by William Bennett, which takes original writings from the framers of our country. We hear straight from them how they foresaw this country.

If their vision is no longer valid, then really the country is up for grabs. So let's see what they had to say!

God Bless America and the whole world--

Happy Independence Day... and with all the problems of America, I want to remember what an awesome country this is.

I think it is very, very easy to take our freedom for granted.

How We Homeschool **ATM**

This topic is one that I think will always be on the front burner to most of us, and I know it is for me. It ebbs and flows. Sometimes I feel very comfortable with what we are doing, then at times I will step back and re-evaluate. What are we doing? Does it fit us? Does it fit us *now*?

Maria has a lovely post on how her family came to unschool. She also talks about the definition of unschooling. She also references one of my favorite blog posts by Melissa Wiley about Tidal Homeschooling.

Well worth the read and I enjoy reading it again now and then.

My boys, being 13 and 16 and very practical and a bit cynical don't even really care for the label of 'homeschooler', much less 'unschooler'. This kind of surprised me when it first popped up a couple of years ago, especially since they LOVE being home and are eternally grateful our family discovered homeschooling. (Yes, I remind them of this constantly and the selfless sacrifice Mom is making for them..lol)

But seriously, I can see it what they are getting at, even if they could not articulate it. They were in a way the canary in the coal mine for me, detecting the artificiality of labels.

I know I have been on a mini-quest in search of a label for a few years. When I was immersed in Charlotte Mason it was a very nice fit and I found like-minded people very easily. Something that is very, very helpful, especially for a newer homeschooling mom.

But, I think the boys have seen various stereotypes develop with homeschooling. And, as we know, most stereotypes spring from a seed of truth. They saw some overly rigid (to their tastes) families doing things that were not 'them'. So they began to reject the homeschool label. Yes we homeschool, but it is really a negative definition. We learn, we just don't learn in school. I think maybe what we do, is how John Holt tried to define unschooling when he first coined the phrase years ago.

In an article in Life Learning magazine, Pat Feranga talked about John Holt and his life and vision. He said that Mr. Holt coined the phrase 'unschooling' to give a name to what families were doing at home with their children while all the other kids were in school from 9am to 3pm. They were NOT schooling in the sense the government schools were.

I think my boys may have seen that were were not only NOT schooling like gov't schools, but we were also NOT homeschooling like a lot of other homeschool families. And that is ok. Because other homeschool families also have their style. But as much as I was drawn *to* a label, my boys seem to have been repelled from one.

So, we have developed our own style. No, not really a style, I think it is a life. I am actually glad to try and drop the labels, though they are handy. I like Melissa's coinage of the term Tidal Homeschooling. I like it because I think that is where I am most comfortable, too.

She does a wonderful job digging into the role of parents. That we can set the stage, strew the treasure, provide guidance. She talks about 'leaving our children to their own devices' and how that plays into it, positively and negatively.

I see that though my boys don't want formal study, they do want direction, though they won't come out and ask. I think they like to know that even though this education is *theirs*, which we have often talked about, that someone older and with more experience has a hand on the rudder.

That plays very well into my personality, too, as I love to learn. And research. And explore new ideas and share.

This was much easier when they were little. I look at Melissa and Maria's blogs, as well as others, and remember the days where the boys were little and loved most everything I suggested! A trip to the museum.. yes! A science project.. fun! A new read-aloud... terrific! Now that they are older they are less willing to jump on mom's bandwagon, and of course I am dealing with almost-adults here, so have adjusted.

I know their interests, which do get narrowed as one gets older. So I try to pick and choose and bring them things that will help broaden them, but also fit their styles. It is harder, but also more rewarding in some ways, in that I am learning higher level material, often adult level and that, I enjoy.

We have been in a season where I have primarily encouraged them in their own interests, but I think (like Melissa's tide) we are coming back to me introducing more. Much of it is me- where I am, what I am doing, what mode I am in.

I wonder, how much of our children's learning and experience is really based on the whim or personality of the mom. I think a lot. But I also think that there are many ways for a child to learn and succeed in life and each mom is a gift. And a mom in research mode is a gift... but then so is the mom who lets the tide ebb and we all just live for a while. Maybe that is why God made women so emotional, so the children could see it, and buoy up and down with the tides... (as long as we don't let them PMS moon terrorize the house! I have learned on those days, just to be very, very quiet... lol)

I used to think that it was ALL up to me. If I didn't get all my school ducks in a row, I failed. Then as we relaxed more, I saw the real learning going on in low tides of introduction of material, but that were often very high tides of learning. I would not give that part up for anything, that is the REAL learning that we all can experience.

But, now I am realizing even more that we are complex creatures (especially women) and our changes and ups and downs are a gift. We are not machines, life is not perfect and what better lesson for our kids. Consistency is not the high prize. That is biggest asset of schools. Love is the prize. Connections. Real parenting. And that is why unschooling is NOT unparenting.

Well, to conclude this ramble, I wanted to put in a quote from the Life Learning Magazine. This is Pat Faranga talking about John Holt and how he changed his ideas and philosophies as he experienced more and learned more. It told me that it is ok to learn and grow and change how we do things. Because we learn a better way does not mean we blew it doing it the old way. And we can change again. It is OK. :)

The revisions to his earlier books reflect this growth in thinking. As his ideas developed he didn't excise his previous thoughts, he built on them....for instance, he drew a line down the side and said," He's the other John Holt: I thought that was a good idea at the time but now the older John Holt knows this to be the case." He didn't need to protect his position by erasing his former thoughts and writings like so many writers do. And the subtext of that is that he was proving by example that people can continue to learn.