My 'Vacation' with my 13yos

As I mentioned in previous posts, my ds and dh are lounging on the beaches of Florida and wining and dining Grandma on today, her 87th birthday.

B, my 13yo, and I are holding down the fort here. Here is some of what we have done:

- Watched Fellowship of the Rings
- I watched The Two Towers and yelled upstairs to him with questions when I was confused on battle names, places or characters. (He is waiting until his brother gets home to watch it with him.)
-Played tennis 3 nights. Tonight the winner had to pay the loser 100 imaginary dollars.
-Went to our local LOTR discussion group.
-Took him and two of his friends to tennis lessons.
-Watched the first half of Gone with the Wind. The library disc stopped working after Atlanta burned. Talked about GWTW and the Civil War.
-Ran errands today. I picked up an order for Lighthouse, we went by the grocery and I bought him a Chick Fil A sandwich as a treat for lunch.
-Discussed the movies we have watched.
-Discussed the tennis lessons and the personalities of the players and coach.
-Went to Mass Sunday. Talked about All Saints' Day and which Mass we should attend. I told him about the All Soul's Cake I plan to make.
-Did a little light cleanup of the house.
-Talked in the car a lot. (His brother is gone so he has only me to talk to)
-Talked on the phone to the other half of our family in Florida. B and S call each other about 5 times a day. We got regular fishing reports.
-Discussed politics and the upcoming elections. Q: "Mom, do you think Rush Limbaugh is too conservative?" A discussion then ensued about the difference between being a conservative (economic and social) and a Republican, and he later quizzed me as to whether I had done my pre-voting research. (Not Yet)
-Discussed voting polls after watching part of a news report on it on TV. The discussion then got onto statistics and error of margin... and on.
-Discussed the making of LOTR and how it compared to Star Wars.
-Discussed the Civil War re-enactment coming to a nearby town next month and if it will depict an actual battle in history.
-Disucssed plans about visiting ext'd family over the holidays and how to decide when and who we can visit.
-Discussed some of my Lighthouse client parishes and which have been difficult and which have been easy and why. Talked about what I am learning in sales and problem solving and my next steps.
-Discussed weather patterns and how we always seem to have great tennis weather on Friday.
Etc...

So, though we didn't do a lot we did.

It was funny, I was feeling out of kilter this weekend. I told a friend at my exercise studio that it was just my son and me this weekend. I told her we might cook or do something else and that he was on the phone the night before for an hour with his brother.

She looked at me a bit strangely and said "They are really close, aren't they? That is not usual for kids."

No. I guess not. I told her I think a large part is because they are home and not separated by grade levels. Before I homeschooled I would arrange my 6yo to play with other 6 year olds and my 3yo to be around kids his age. But homeschooling, then moves brought them together. And they have stayed that way.

We are looking forward to his brother getting home tomorrow, but I have enjoyed my time alone with my youngest. :)

I love those 2 specks!

My dh and my 16yos are visiting my MIL in Florida. My husband often checks the livecam online which is always pointed at the inlet near her home. Today my guys stood in front of where he knew the camera and called me to look on line. There they are! The two specks on the beach in front of the lifeguard tower.

They look like they are having so much fun! I miss them!

Click on the picture to see them 'close up'. :)

Some Real Learning- Gone With the Wind

There has been discussion here and there lately about real-ness. Real learning.
How much do we guide, when do we step back. How do we separate our needs (to plan, see, do) with our dc?

It has caused me to be more attentive. To see where I am leading and where I am standing back. How to make the decision. In that moment.

It reminds me of a topic in my faith group about connecting with the Holy Spirit in the midst of our day. How do we keep from shutting down and going on automatic? In my interior life it would mean going by my will and not opening myself up to prompting by the Holy Spirit. With my homeschooling my dc it means to stop listening and perceiving and letting my preconceptions and insecurities take over. Not well-said. I will have to think about how to articulate this more.

But, as usual, I find the best way to get my arms around this is to observe. So, I am trying to do that more.

Ok... here is an example from last night.

My 13yos got totally hooked on the Ken Burns DVD documentary The Civil War last month. Did he seek it out? Get online at the library and check it out? lol Like no way! I did my research and my strewing and after it sat for a couple of weeks, I watched it and loved it. Then I told him how awesome it was for a few days. Then I suggested (strongly) he take a look at just one DVD. He did and soon after he was taking the laptop to bed with him to get to the other 10 disks. :)

Guess that is what you call heavy-duty strewing. :)

So, I know I want my boys to be literate in history. I want them to make connections. So, when I see a REALLY good resource, I am going to push it. I know also from experience, that if they pick it up, on their accord and it is their idea, they will connect more readily. This is human nature. I am the same way! Of course they are, too.

I also have found from experience that when it does not work I best let it go. My older son and I just wrote up his credit for English Lit. I had him rank the items by those he liked best. The ones at the bottom he said he barely remembered. They were 100% the assigned reading I gave him. And not only as singed but things I didn't tailor to him or even think were particularly good myself. But things I "thought he should read". And he made such little connection, he could not even remember the plot. Hum. Still learning here.

Ok, back to my son and the Civil War. My hand guided him gently to the DVDs. He trusts me now. For the past couple of years I have been careful to give him strongly suggest the really good stuff. A few errors along the way -when I read book lists and start trying to implement someone else's plan.. (see above paragraph).. but for the most part he knows when Mom suggests something, it will be good. Living. Quality. The cream. Why go for anything else?

So, now that he is primed on the Civil War, I have all these thought of things we can add. Wow, what a study this could be. I have ordered up a bunch. I will read it myself. Listen to the CDs. Watch the DVDs. I previewed a Biography show on Lincoln and it was mediocre. I will tell B about it, but not put in on the 'gotta try it' list. I will review the other items the same way and see which make the cut.

Across Five Aprils made the cut last spring and both the boys loved it.

Last night was a good example of the guiding hand, and the real learning I saw.
I got Gone With The Wind from the library. What a great follow up to the Ken Burns DVD! Now, my son does not watch a lot of movies. He does not care for the old ones, which I love. He LOVES Star Wars and LOTR. He is into movie making, studies techniques employed by Peter Jackson and George Lucas and probably would say a movie is just not a movie without special effects.

So, do I push GWTW, made in 1939 with hokey music and lots of pretty dresses? The only special effect I know was how Mammy got Scarlett into that corset with her 21 inch waist. lol


I 'strongly' suggested he try it. I bribed him with popcorn. Just watch it for one bowl's worth. (it was a big bowl) I also realized that family dynamics play a great part here. My 16yo does not like to try new movies. He will often try to pull his younger brother away to go to things with him. But my 16yos is out of town... so I have the young one all to myself. One must be aware of these things!

We had a great time. We only stopped watching because the durn library CD was scratched and quit shortly after Atlanta burned.

So, that was a time when the art of guiding and suggesting worked well. Now, about the learning.

As we watched some text scroll we learned that Gettysburg was a disaster for the south. Ashly came home on leave and talked about his barefoot soldiers and how the south was ended as we know it. Rhett was running blockade. We saw the THOUSANDS of rebel solders laid out in the train yard of Atlanta wriggling in pain as Scarlett searched for the doctor to deliver Melanie's baby.

B said to me- "Gosh this movie would not be nearly so good if we had not seen the documentary first."

I was thinking the same thing. Every scene, bit of new from the front, mention of a city or general took me back to the documentary. I told him when I watched this movie years ago, I just kind of let the history part wash over me because I had no clue about the war. Now, dear reader, understand that I got an A in American History in High School! How can this be? I learned more about the Civil War in the Ken Burns' DVD than I ever knew before.

The movie brought images to what we had learned about the war. We talked about if it was realistic. B asked me if the union had a right to try and keep the south as part of the nation, assuming slavery had not been an issue.

I would not have known to even ask that question at age 13. I remember memorizing the 'reasons for the war' for a test. Yes, slavery was a big one... right?

So, I cannot capture all the learning that happened last night on paper. But I will put some down in my journal. This is real learning, and I have to enjoy these moments when they come. It is not linear, but organic. This is like a major history learning concentration and I can see that. But I think that is how all of learning works.

Well, that confounded disc is still not working. So today I ordered us our own copy. I splurged and got the one that has all the production notes, how the colorized it,interviews with the cast and director, shooting locations, movie studio history, special effects and director's notes.. etc for my movie-making boys. How interesting to compare and contrast movie making from almost 60 years ago.

More learning... :)

All Saints/All Souls Day

I have been trying to become more aware of our Church's liturgical year and incorporate it in our lives.

The nice thing is to see how far we have really come in the past years. And all just a bit at a time, naturally. For instance we always observe Advent, whereas the first years of my dc lives I didn't even know the word! A blessing.

Leonie has a nice link to some sites for All Souls Day. I am printing off some of the text to read to the boys and also plan to make the Souls' Cakes. A first for us.

But I wanted to post here of something that came naturally to me, but I see as a culumiation of all these years of homeschooling and evolving.

As I printed off the pages, I knew I needed a binder. I pulled out a new white binder, got some divider tabs and started a section on All Saints/All Souls. This will be where I collect the Liturgical Year information and finds I make.

This stems back to long ago reading Cindy Rushton (the Binder Queen!) and since always having a supply of new binders and dividers. In past years I would print off info on Lent and saints, but it ended up lost. What a perfet place to put it all.
The little circles of the rings in the binder.. the pages that will turn from season to season... the place on my shelf that will keep it within easy reach.

Wow, I am really jazzed on this, aren't I?

And what perfect timing. Advent is coming. Our new year. Oh God is good! Blessings everywhere....

Rest Stop on the Journey

Oh, yeah... I started this blog to talk about the journey.

A lot of the old posts are ramblings, perhaps even stream of consciencnesses (is the the proper plural) of discerning how learning happens, what my role is in my dc's learning and keeping it real.

Real.

Real.

Humm.

Sometimes I don't know what is real. I mean outside my home. I am beginning to understand what is real here. And to find that I found I had to seperate the 'white from the rice' - as I told a yankee friend of mine who got a giggle out of it.

How to seperate. I had to:

Look at my boys for who they are.
Understand their world.
See their learning.
Seperate their goals and needs from mine (as in justifying my homeschool role and imposing things upon them that are really to satisfy me)
Stop trying to look good to others.
Keep Christ in my life and try to answer to him only. (still working on this and failing a lot)
Stop reading many blogs/site/lists out there that made me veer off real-ness- know my heart and keep my focus. Know when to look out and when to look within.
Actively be involved in the boys and their lives and give them what they did need (after seperating out what they did not)

My boys are happy at home. I hear about kids who are not and realize that my reality is not the same as others' realities. So it is hard to talk about what is real, because what is real for me may be different than for others.

But, I still wonder about how to keep it real and connect with others and gain that support and comradery, but not subcumb to the outside 'lists' and 'expectations'. Now, I am all for both of those things when they are needed. But tell me, how does an average mom like you or me keep that seperate?

In thinking about my journey and trying to stay on track, here is an example. There has been a mild uproar about Dr. Phil and his show putting homeschooling in a bad light.
I didn't read any of it. Why? Because I am on my path, my journey. I know the critics. And I also know the media. They do anything for ratings.

I also know I would watch/read it and think about all the people in my extended family, neighbors and others who do NOT KNOW homeschooling, have never tried it and I would imagine them watching that show. Then next time I saw them I would imagine them harboring those thoughts.

Is this productive? Is it the thoughts God wants me to have?

I suspect 'no.' At least not right now- maybe in few years when I write my book lol and my boys are off and gone then maybe I will be the media watchdog for homeschooling. But not right now.

So, on this journey for the real. Sometimes I am out of step, but usually fall back in. On ward through the fog...

Phases of Life

I just reconnected with a freind who I used to see all the time. Even though we have not seen each other much in the past couple of years, we still have a connection. Our lives are on different 'flight patterns' as I like to say.

We talked on the phone and were reminissing about the 'old days'. The days we used to see each other a lot, were in the same groups, working on the same projects, and exploring similar areas of life.

She talked about how we go through phases of life, and I could really connect to what she said.

I am in a much different place now than I was 5 years ago. I bet anyone reading this might feel the same.

All these phases are good. God has so much to give. Sometimes it is hard to let go. But let go we must. And he always has something really good for us around the next corner.

Last night I watched a rather quirky movie called Wrestling with Hemmingway. Not to give away the story, but one of the main characters was aging. He was also trying to recapture his youth. He didn't. He saw it slipping away. I was depressed after watching that and it was not until this morning driving to my exercise class that I realized what I had missed.

That was another character who was also aging, but he was living life. Reaching out. Being in the moment and looking forward to what was next. It also reminded me that maybe God has a job for this old character- losing your youth is not the death toll, as we are led to believe.

Maybe it means praying daily for the world, being a granddaddy to a little person, or reaching out (even in an old, bumbling, ineffiecint, can't see anything without my glasses way) and being present in life.

So, I ended up being very uplifted by the movie.

I am looking forward to the next phase and also am happy because I think my old friend might be in it more... like old times.

Thoughts on Atmosphere

A friend, Trudy, on my local Charlotte Mason list recently posted about atmosphere in her home. She kindly allowed me to put it here.

Enjoy!

"CM talked the the atmosphere in many terms. One was trust- openess and sharing."

With that in mind, I will add "sharing" to our list of atmosphere enhancers. We have always made a point to listen to our children, to let them vent what's on their mind. We have lots of conversations where we are all just sharing whatever is going on in our lives, not always heavy stuff.


We have four children, ages 18, 13, 6, and almost 4. We take each one out individually either for a walk; a fun date at the park, movie, or dinner; or to run errands almost every week, sometimes every other week. The children take turns. It's mostly my husband who takes them out this regularly. I will usually get alone with each child outside the home maybe once a month or every other month because it's harder for me to get away with all of the home duties that need to be done. It's a great way to get to know that child personally, to know their heart, what's important to them, their dreams, their fears. It's not easy taking out this much time and there are weeks where it doesn't happen but we look for every opportunity that we can to make it happen.


When the children feel loved and understood and feel a close bond within the family, that's the foundation to the atmosphere. Then we add the beautiful music, art, nature, reading great books together, gardening, sewing, woodworking, living life together to complete the picture. Oh, how I would love to have grown up in that type of rich soil. How much more I could have blossomed. Just think about the significance of this gift we are giving to our children.

I also think that our outlook on life and our attitudes effect our atmosphere. Are our thoughts positive or negative? Do we bring others down or build them up with our attitudes, our words, our facial expressions? Are we moody? Do we complain or nag? Do we criticize or encourage? Being positive and encouraging are fantastic atmosphere enhancers.

As an afterthought to this whole atmosphere discussion is our relationship with our husbands. We should work on that one. Because if the children sense tension between mom and dad or have to hear arguments or there is just a lack of love and respect in the husband/wife relationship, I think that really spoils the atmosphere and makes it really difficult for all of these other things that we try to do make much of difference because everyone is too upset to enjoy them. If any of you are in the midst of trying to improve your marriage, I would like to suggest the book "Created To Be His Help Meet" by Debbie Pearl. It has changed a lot of marriages.

And last but not least, a part of that foundation and atmosphere is their knowledge of the living God and working on building a relationship with Christ.

Those last three things, just coming from a stable, loving, positive, and encouraging home and having the Word of God being an integral part of their daily lives will do so much for the atmosphere. Then our children are free to blossom and become all that God meant for them to become. I'm not suggesting that we not strive for academic excellence, but isn't this so much important than our academic pursuits for them?


If any of you have wisdom you would like to bless us with, please do. Can anyone expound on any of the atmosphere enhancers that I have mentioned to make it a little more practical for us? What do you do in your home? It's great when we can learn from one another.

I just thought of another thing we have in our home. I set up a 6-foot
folding table and put a plastic table cloth on it. Next to it I have some
stacked plastic drawyers with paints, Play-Doh, construction paper, glue,
scissors, crayons, etc. Since this is a permanently setup, the children are
free to paint or do any other form of art whenever they want to. So I was
thinking this might be considered an atmosphere enhancer because it is an
atmosphere where they are free to create, basically, a creative atmosphere.

Other ideas for a creative atmosphere are Tinker Toys; PVC pipes cut into
different sizes along with the things that join them together -- they have
those over at the Children's Museum at The Woodlands Mall -- old appliances
where the cord has been cut off and any sharp inward parts removed once it's
opened for them to take apart, explore, and try to put back together; wood,
hammer, and nails. Does anyone have any other suggestions along these
creative atmosphere/environment lines?

Simple Keys to Joyful Homeschooling

Wow, this is journey stuff. :-)

A friend asked me about an article I wrote a while back having to do with joy in homeschooling. It was sent out online to a couple of groups and distibuted in a packet at a local Cm conference we put on.

I had not read it in years.

It was so weird to read. I still believe every word, but I showed me where I was 4 years ago. I see myself, throughouly embracing Charlotte Mason, and especially the ideas of joy, relationship... and all the influences I had read up until then. I was writing for weary homeschool moms, those just getting brave enough to try Charlotte Mason, to leave school-at-home. I was still there. Trying to completely leave school-at-home.

Well, I think I have done that now! Only took 4 years! lol
Well, make that 10 years.

This tells me how powerful journalling can be, journalling of any kind- articles, emails, list posts, blogs, jotting things down in a notebook-- it all give us a snapshot of where we are at a point in time. It is fun to see the threads that run through our lives, especially the things we continue to hold to, the things that are dear and important. To me one of those is joy.

I wrote this as I was culminating all the questions that come up about why we live not in joy, but in angst. I had lots of questions.. but am still working on the answers. Anyway, here it is for your persual!


God Bless,

Cindy

p.s. It is long, so have a cup of tea, or a glass of wine and sit back... lol

Simple Keys to Joyful Homeschooling!
By Cindy Kelly

“How do you stand being home with your children all day? Don’t you worry you will miss something? What about socialization? Are they keeping up with the kids in school? Doesn’t it worry you he isn’t reading yet? Will your child be able to go to college? I have to hand it to you, I could never do what you do.”

Do these comments sound familiar? Most of us have had to field such questions from concerned friends and family members or those simply curious about what it is we do. Sometimes they can produce twinges of doubts though after some time, we get more adept at answering our critics. But what if these challenges are coming not from others but from within ourselves? Doubting ourselves leads to insecurity and can rob our homes of joy.

How do we deal with the doubts and restore joy to our homes? Let’s look at how we can bring that essential element of joy into our homes with some Simple Keys to Joyful Homeschooling.

1. Set Lofty Goals: What Kind of Adults Will Your Children Be?

What are your ultimate goals for your children? Frequently new homeschooling families immediately look to academic goals as their first priority. This is the model that most of us have grown up within traditional school settings. Grades and scope and sequence are the only measure most of us know.

However, looking deeper we see that our true goals are much loftier than this. As parents we are trying to “train up our children as they should go” and raise saints. We are the primary educators of our children, and we are to teach them about all of the world, not just what appears on a school district’s or umbrella school’s scope and sequence. The ultimate goals deal not with what bits of facts they know, but with relationships: our children’s relationship to God, relationship to others, relationship to self, relationship to knowledge, and relationship to the things of the world. When we put relationships first, all of the other important things of life, including learning, will be put into context naturally.

Seven years ago, as I was setting goals for my newly homeschooling 3 and 6 year old boys, I immediately fell into the academic trap. I set goals arbitrarily based on subject areas. We failed miserably. If we had a difficult day in math, we failed. If we didn’t do all the checkmarks on my list, we failed. If I spent money on curriculum and couldn’t make it work, we failed. Often my children’s abilities were stronger or weaker than the plan I had laid out for them but I felt they should be able to adapt. Worst of all, our relationship was suffering intensely because I put academics first in our lives. I was now failing at motherhood, too! We almost quit homeschooling that year, our first year.

Thankfully I found a resource that helped me distinguish the true goals I had for my children. Chris Davis from Elijah Company explained the concept of turning our goals upside down, in effect putting relationships first and academics after. He encouraged me to envision my sons as young adults and what their roles would be and what attributes they would need to achieve them. I read his article and set goals that still fully apply today. I have not had to alter them in seven years. I highly recommend the Elijah Company Catalog in which his article can be found. More information is available at: www.elijahco.com

Once you set reasonable, universal, yet lofty goals you will have a guidepost to keep you on track. Knowing you are on the right course, even though there may be some unexpected twists and turns, gives a sense of peace and joy. If we don’t finish our math today, we aren’t automatic failures. Chances are we had a great conversation about faith in the car or read a book that illustrated virtues. Yes, we are right on course.

2. Shift Paradigms: Challenge Your Beliefs about Learning

What do you believe about education? Do you think children must sit in a classroom setting for a certain number of hours a day to become educated? Must they read certain books and fill out worksheets? Is there a certain body of facts that envelop a full education? Do we need to duplicate what the public schools are doing in terms of method and content? Do children need to be “taught” or can they learn on their own? Do all children learn the same?

These are just some of the questions that confront us as we determine how best to educate our children at home. Often one of the biggest deterrents we have to a peaceful, fruitful home is our belief that we must duplicate a teaching style or method to truly ‘make’ our children learn.

The method most often duplicated is that of the traditional classroom, because that is what most of us know. New homeschoolers will try to ‘school at home’ with mom as teacher and children as (often unwilling) students. When we fail, we blame ourselves and set off to find the new curriculum or system that will save us.

In effect what we are doing is becoming slaves to a curriculum instead of having the resources serve us. We are putting ourselves in a bondage, one that surely robs joy from all aspects of learning with our children.

The Charlotte Mason method is becoming increasingly popular with homeschoolers because her methods give us a different model to follow. Charlotte Mason’s ideas can be a terrific starting point to get away from the model of traditional school. CM brings us living books, short lessons and a focus on children developing a relationship with knowledge. She takes us out of the classroom into the outdoors. She puts the child in direct contact with great ideas instead of giving them only the predigested ideas from a middleman; the teacher (or in our cases, Mom).

Yet, before we can embrace a new and better way, a sometimes painful letting go must take place. For me, it was letting go of the belief that my children were missing something when we left the classroom behind. The book that released me from this idea was Dumbing Us Down by John Taylor Gatto. I highly recommend it for those who are having a difficult time leaving traditional school behind. Perhaps there is something that is holding you back from seeking the very best way for you and your children. Let go of the old, make room for the new and see where you are led. Elijah Company has a wonderful article, “Charting a New Course” in their aforementioned catalog. Mr. Davis leads the reader through a thought process to discern personal beliefs about learning,
There is a big bright world of new ideas, techniques and methods out there to explore! Shift paradigms! Open your horizons! Have fun!

3. Structure or Freedom? Identify Your Family’s Unique Personality

Do you and your children crave structure? Or, are you free spirits? Do you spend time doing the things you want and need to do? Finding your family’s learning personality and implementing supportive elements in your home can provide a beautiful atmosphere for living and learning.

How should I run my day?
Often homeschoolers will try copy a day’s blueprint from a fellow homeschooler or curriculum guide. This can be a recipe for disaster! Each family has a unique personality. If you think of all the components of a family’s personality it is not surprising that a one-size-fits-all schedule is impractical. Difference in families include the number of children and their ages, learning styles, dynamics with siblings and the individual need for structure. A home’s physical layout and the resources as well as level of involvement of outside activities also have a large effect. Last but not least important (and maybe the most) is the personality of the mom. My personal opinion is if you tell a structured type-A mom to unschool or a laid back mom to set a rigid schedule, you are asking for trouble.

There is no one right way to homeschool. Many homes enjoy knowing what is coming up in a day and the schedule is a familiar and welcome friend. Other homes thrive on following rabbit trails and use structure for only the absolute basics of life.

How do you find the level of structure that is right for you? With your lofty goals at hand think about your children’s passions and what they would like to pursue. What would you like for you and your children to accomplish during the week? Are you getting to the things you deem important.? (hint: make sure you think they really are important and they are not from someone else’s list!) Create a schedule… in pencil. Remember this schedule is to work for you, you are not a slave to it. Try it for a few weeks and review with kids what is working and what is not. Think of stresses you have encountered. Are your children having enough quiet time to just ‘be’? Are you present with your kids or always thinking of “that next thing’? Don’t be afraid to change your plan, while keeping your lofty goals pinned up in sight. It is a dynamic process and schedules are ever-changing. I think the longest I had a weekly schedule in tact was about 2 months. Then I made an even better, yet shorter one!

Find the amount of structure that works for your family’s unique personality. Once you are in a groove, your family will work more efficiently and joy will follow naturally.

4. Slow Down and Simplify: Be Really ‘Present’ in Life

The quickest way to fire up burnout and douse joy is to try and do everything at once!

Homeschooling is a lifestyle and we have weeks, months, years of time. Allow yourself time to be with your children, to really be present to them. Just spending time with you children, listening to their ideas and sharing your thoughts can lead to more learning than hours of pre-planned lessons. Schedule down time. Don’t live in the car, racing from one activity to the next. Give yourself time. John Taylor Gatto explains in Dumbing Us Down that tragically, one of the things public school robs from children is time to be alone to think. Give your child that gift of time.

If you are implementing new ideas, such as Charlotte Mason methods, add just one at a time. Perhaps add nature study one month and narration the next. Teach your child one new habit at a time. Read one new book for a while before bringing in the next. Don’t try and do everything at once. This is not a race, but a passage.

Be careful about reading too many books about what a child should know when. Take them all with a grain of salt, or avoid them entirely. Only read curriculum guides when you are in a strong frame of mind, or you may end up ordering more than you need, can afford or could ever implement! If you see a fellow homeschooler who is successful with a resource, be glad for her and someday think about trying it yourself. There is enough success for everyone and encourage your friends in theirs. For now, do what you are doing. As a wise friend once suggested, if things are going awry, always give yourself 48 hours before implementing something new or buying a new resource.

Finally, take time out for yourself. If you are feeling overwhelmed, stop, relax and give yourself more time. Psalm 46:10 reminds us to “Be still and know that I am God”. He is in control and you have time. Take baby steps. Stop and smell the roses and recognize the joy within your family.


5. Seek Process, Not Product: The Journey is the Destination

I just love it when my son produces nice work. I punch three holes in it and put it in his big binder. It looks so neat and shiny and I can look upon it and know we accomplished something tangible. I can add it to his portfolio should I ever need to represent his learning achievements to outside authorities. Hey, I can show it to his grandparents! These pages can give me such a feeling of accomplishment: he is a great student, and I’m a fantastic teacher! Hooray for me!

Yes, binders are a wonderful way to showcase work and children and parents alike get pleasure from going back and seeing what the kids have done. However, they can become a trap by pulling us away from the more important goal: the child’s learning process.

As a child learns, they take in information and make connections. These connections are the process of the child’s learning. More learning is done by a child than can ever be recorded on paper. Charlotte Mason’s methods are very supportive of the process by presenting the child with a feast of new ideas, allowing them to digest and regroup the ideas, then enabling them to narrate the ideas back. Often nothing ends up on paper, but the process of learning has happened. The process of learning is the focus of our efforts with the child, for this is what the child actually absorbs, thinks and knows.

The traditional school model as well as pre-packaged curriculum rests heavily on the product a child produces. As homeschoolers, we have the luxury of being with our children, watching them relate to knowledge and watching the process of their learning. We know what they know just by being with them. We don’t need tests or worksheets to gauge what our children know.

A fellow homeschooling mom and I were once discussing teaching faith to our children. After discussing how important it was for our children to be well grounded in our faith we discovered we were using the same book. She commented,“Well, yes, they read it but we never really talk about it.” I thought to myself, then how does she know what they know?

Communication is the key to educating our children. We educate with intimacies and if we don’t communicate, how can we know what our children are learning or where they are in their journey? How do we know where to lead them?
By listening to our children we learn their strengths and weaknesses. We can help guide them to that next level, at their own pace.

Enjoy the product: the narration copied in the binder, the math page filled in (kind of) neatly, the sketch of George Washington or the nature drawing done in colored pencil. But remember that the process of learning is the goal and the results are not always available to hold in your hand. So, enjoy the product, but also seek out and savor the process. Listen to your child’s stories, watch him as he works his way through a difficult scenario, observe the thorough process as she grows and develops mentally. Don’t let the push for product crush the joy of the process of learning in your home.




6. Stop Comparing! Look at what your child is, not what he isn’t.

Charlotte Mason tells us our children are “born persons”. We know that God created each child a as unique being in His image. Logically then, our mission is to know our children intimately and help them grow into the person God wants them to be, given their unique personalities, attributes and challenges. Easy proposition? Unfortunately for most of us, it is not. Why? Because instead of celebrating and encouraging the gifts and unique qualities of our children, we often focus on what we think are children are lacking. And, it is fueled by our own internal monster of comparing.

What do we compare our children against? Everything! Here are just a few examples that may sound familiar…


- My son hates math and falls apart after half a page. He would have to do this if he were in a classroom.
- Why doesn’t my child like reading? All his friends have read The Hobbit and he can’t even make it through a chapter.
- The scope and sequences I found say my daughter should know her times tables by now, but we just can’t seem to make any progress.
- My daughter is so shy. She doesn’t want to participate in any large homeschool group activities like the other kids.
- To really be well-educated my kids need to learn about ancient culture and learn Latin, at least the classical curriculums say. But, we really can’t seem to get through it.
- All my son wants to do is stick his nose in a book all day. Why won’t he join a sports team?
- All my son wants to do is play baseball. Why won’t he read a book?
- My friend’s family has it all together and the kids are so far ahead of us.
- Her kids are so obedient. And her house is always clean! And she stays in great shape. What am I doing wrong?
- No wonder homeschooling works for her- she doesn’t have toddlers or special needs in her family. She has it easy.
- Well, her husband helps her homeschool. If mine did, I wouldn’t be so stressed.
- etc. etc. etc…


Comparing can come in endless forms. We can compare against schools and other homeschooling families. We can compare our talents against those of other homeschooling mothers. We can put our children’s gifts, or lack of them, up against every child we meet. Our husbands, houses, incomes and extended families are all fair game.

But, the final truth is God gave us each our unique lives, filled with our own blessings and challenges. We have to look at what he gave us and marvel at it. If we are truly present and thankful we see that we have blessings right under our noses, waiting for us to enjoy and savor. It is so easy to look out to the world and see what we don’t have, when if we just look inward we have so much.

It is particularly easy to see endless gaps and deficiencies in our children. As homeschoolers if we see a fault within them, we take the blame squarely on our own shoulders. I am reminded of a public school friend who was trying to decide if she should push to have her son put in a certain celebrated teacher’s class for 2nd grade. She decided against making the request, opting to have him placed randomly. “I decided to let the computer place him,” she explained.” so that if he has a bad year it would be the school’s fault and not mine.” She had effectively washed her hands of the situation and avoided guilt.

We don’t have the ‘luxury’ of such default but know that we directly influence our children lives and learning on all levels. Their failure can then translate to our perceived personal failure. But what constitutes failure by our children? Are these ‘failures’ real?

When we excel at the art of comparing, we are setting up an infinite number failure scenarios for our children. How in the world can we expect our children to compete against everything we happen to run across and set up as an arbitrary goal? Most of the ‘failures’ we see in our children are false or illusionary. If my child loves to read and God gave him that gift as part of his personality, it does not mean that your child should need strive to equal him. If your child enjoys math and spends endless hours doing puzzles and races through his worksheets, that is no reason to expect my child to achieve the same. What if your child’s gift is that of play and imagination? Embrace it, encourage it and foster that gift as a valid gift from God. Every child is unique. If we give our children ideas, a love of learning and encouragement, their gifts will become evident. I can guarantee you they will have deficits, just as no one person can excel at everything. Let’s help them excel and let their gifts bear fruit. There is enough success for everyone.

If you feel there are areas in which your child greatly lacks skill, encourage him and facilitate ways for him to succeed. But remember to allow him to do it in his own time. Do you remember when each of your children first sat up, stood, walked, talked or said their first word? I’ll bet they each did so at a different age! Each child has their own timetable of development. The same holds true for reading, writing, conceptualizing and other developmental skills. We wouldn’t force our child to walk at twelve months. Why do we try and force them to read at six years? The answer most often is, because the world expects it, so we expect it. And the goals are not even real.

Give your children the tender love and acceptance after the toddler years that you so gently gave them before and during. Focus on all the things they *can* do and *are* doing. Give them encouragement and facilitate their gifts by providing all the resources they needs to grow and develop their talents. As Miss Mason tells us, give them “..something to do, something to love and something to think about.” Gently help them in weaker areas within their individual development schedules. Stop placing them up against every other child or scope and sequence you happen across and instead give them the precious gift of time to be who God wants them to be. Stop comparing. Embrace the joy of who they are.

7. Support and Share You don’t have to go it alone!

The number of families homeschooling grows each year. Though homschooling is becoming more mainstream, it is still a journey of courage and we are often blazing new trails. Having support at key times is crucial to keep us encouraged and on track. I can think of a handful of women who were there for me during my own rough times. They are the ones who listened and helped me look hard at myself and our goals. They were the ones that got me though. Seek out positive people such as these and let them help you. I found long ago one of the best things I could do is to seek out uplifting people and limit my time with those who are negative. Find the ‘re-chargers’!

We need to ensure we are on the giving end of the support relationship, too. Take time out to offer help to a friend who is struggling. This is especially important for new homeschoolers who have not found their niche and gained the peace of experience. Often just pointing someone toward a good homeschooling guide or encouraging book will make the world of difference. Listen to their concerns. Share your experience. Even if they do not hold the same view and subscribe to the same methods of homeschooling, offer them a willing ear, a firm shoulder and a ready smile. We are each other’s community. Share the joy you have found in teaching your children at home. It can make all the difference.

Like all women, homeschooling moms can be guilty of inwardness or cliquishness, and oh, what a horrible model this is to new homeschoolers! I have found this to be especially true when mothers are insecure in what they are doing and full of fear. When I first began homeschooling, I was so excited to learn all about it and immediately joined a homeschooling support group. All but one of the moms was quiet, closed and cool to me. They wouldn’t even tell me what math program they were using! I couldn’t figure out why these women were so lacking in joy and excitement. I had never seen such a sullen and sad group of people in my life. The single friend who opened her books and home to me theorized that they were all so insecure about their homeschooling- afraid they were doing it wrong- they feared showing themselves to anyone. This is a classic example of fear stealing joy.

We are bound by Christ’s command to love one another as we love ourselves and reach out to other moms as we proceed on this journey. We can also enjoy the support of others as they minister to us. And, we can find the ultimate peace and joy by sharing with Christ this glorious burden. He will give us rest and joy no matter our current circumstance or condition. There we will always find joy!

I wish you joy and contentment through this adventure with your family!


“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me; for I am gentle and lowly in heart and you will find rest for your soul. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
-Matthew 11: 28-30

Copyright 2002, Cindy Kelly

What's Up

Good Morning Friends-

Reading Leonie's blog as I do most days , I was inspired to write about what we are up to.

One reason I like her blog, that other favorites I have, is I get a sense of what is really going on in life. Not just a list of stuff that I then feel I have to measure up to. I had to swear off of that a long time ago... it was too exhausting. :)

But I like how Leonie said she is living in terms, even though she is 'living without school.' I think it is the natural structure.. the daily pegs, the weekly flow, the monthly rhytyms that our life seem to find itself settling into.

Here in Houston we are just getting into what my family considers the 'good' weather season. Time to be outdoors and enjoy the mild temps. That has an effect on what we are up to. Also is the liturgical year. I am getting so happy about the fact that Advent is coming. My local hs group also is planning and All Saint's event. Then of course the beauty of Christmas. All this is coming.. that and cooler weather.

Well, here is what is finding itself happening at the Kelly home:

- Tennis lessons started up again and will go weekly through April. We love our instructor and the boys play with their good buddy who is back in school. So we get to see him regularly once a week and I just love sitting out and drawing, paying bills, addressing Christmas cards, or whatever while they play. What a joy.

- We are enjoying our twice a month LOTR discussion group. I sip coffee and listen.

- My dh is now working from home. All our rhytyms have changed due to this big change. The bumps are being worked out and he is enjoying it. We have him here for lunch, he will take breaks and check his garden, the dogs are in heaven as the whole 'pack' is home all the time.

-Boys are working hard earning money at our many scheduled dogsitting jobs to pay for video games to be released. They enjoy reseaching the new games and planning ahead for the release dates.

-S and I have been learning how to write up high school credits for Clonlara. We have a years worth of journalling which is translating into 6 credits. We are doing one a week. Sending it in to my advisor who is giving us feedback. We are both in a learning process and it is very interesting and also connecting my son and I as I learn even more about his learning and he sees how it is translating. A very positive experience all around.

-We look forward to my MIL visiting for Thanksgiving and have 3 dog sit clients during that time. So glad my dh loves to cook!

-Boys are re-reading LOTR...

- S is doing a self-study with this Teaching Textbooks math CD. Soon will be starting his Driver's Ed CD. We tried to do it with the state information, but too confusing, so I am ordering the CD. His goal is to get the permit by Thanksgiving so he can drive to and from our dogsits. They are perfect practice as they will be happening many times a day, and are short traffic-free drives.

-B just finished watching the entire Ken Burns Civil War DVDs so I am strewing new related stuff. One movie on order is Gone With the Wind.. should be an interesting comparison...

-My Lighthouse business is so enjoyable and I have 3 appointments next week. This is a real challenge to fit this into our life and have it flow. It is easy for me to get too involved and then things at home get out of whack. But, I really enjoy it.

- I have begun drawing again as I would like to do a pencil portrait of each dog I sit to give to the clients for Christmas. B is helping me work on each new breed and giving me (very helpful) comments. Both boys are good artists and give great advice.

- A friend and I had a first time gathering for moms who are interested in interest-led homeschooling.. and it was so fun. I see that as possibly blossoming and becoming a enjoyable part of life. I love getting together to share and support.

- S is planning a workout program for himself.

- We are thinking about new community service opportunities. The prolife group we used to volunteer for has slowed down a bit. We are thinking about starting to make sandwiches monthly for the local shelter again. Today we are making a meal for a local homeschool family who just had a baby, and also for the berevement group at our church. Boys will be cooking today!

-I am working out several days a week at Jazzercise still and enjoy the interaction.

- I also have fallen into the pattern of having tea with a dear friend every Thursday night. It just happened this way, and now my sons and her son tag along and get their own table and are renewing their friendship. The best things do happen natrually.


That last line is important I think. Yes, I plan, look for ideas, schedule and do. But it seems that the very best things do happen, or at least continue happening, when the time is right and the season is right.

This is a happy season for us. Time to remember to thank God for all of his blessings.

The Catholic Home

Slowly my family is incorportaing more Catholic traditions in our home (I am a convert)-

I recently found the books The Catholic Home by Meredith Gould and liked this quote. Just wanted to share:

"To evaluate the value of any particular custom, ask yourself:

- Does this custom bring me into a deeper personal relationship with God the Creator, Christ the Redeemer, and Holy Sprit the Divine Counselor?
-Does the observance reflect, strengthen and sustain my Christian values and beliefs?
-Does this practice help me express my Christian faith and enhance my participation in the body of Christ?

And keep this in mind: Don't reject a custom because it seems too enjoyable to be pious! Fun is absolutely compatible with faith. If you need biblical proof, search scripture for references to celebration, feasting and joy."

More Letting Go- Our LOTR group

I have been doing some faith reading that again draws me back to the realization of letting go and letting life happen.

I saw this play out for me again in our homelife and learning. I honestly think that is what homeschooling is really about. The relationships, that dance... where we try to raise our kids, but often that means we have to step back and let them be and become.

Remember our LOTR discussion group? Well the first week was gangbusters with about a dozen people, lots of talking. It prompted the B&N customer service lady to complemement me on the level and intensity of discussion.

I did get some feedback from my sons and another dc who said it was hard at times to get a work in edgewise. I was lucky enough to have two other moms there who love LOTR. I really enjoyed the idea that we moms were not really 'teaching' or 'leading' but were there as participants, too. Though one mom in particular is really awesome to have as she is practically a LOTR scholar.

But, I know what I did. Everytime there was a lag I would jump in and move it on. I wanted it to be 'successful'. So it was very talky. But often people were talking over people, some topics were not discussed through and the quieter people could not get their two bits in.

Well, the second meeting we only had about 7 kids. I was the only mom. My LOTR reading has been lagging (I have so much I am reading now), so am only halfway through the second book.

The meeting lagged. I had prepared nothing, based on how lively the first meeting was. I found myself getting anxious. Like I had to make this happen. Or that the kids would tell their moms that I was not leading a good meeting. I felt it was a failure.

Sigh. Why do we say things like that to ourselves?

Well, the boy who had not cared for the first meeting, loved the second one. He had had time to talk!

After the first meetings I realized that though I really like LOTR, I am not at the level of any of the others in the group. Moms or kids. I can't remember all the characters much less the battles. My opinions are limited to really the first book, and even then I forget major stuff. How was I going to make this work if I could not even think up good discussion questions?


I dicussed this with my sons.

My 13yos son suggested I not sit in until I had read the books. He earnestly suggested that I read 30 min a day until I was done. Now, this is irony. How many books did I try and assign him over the years? I did not like the idea of someone telling me what to read. But I did like the idea of making the plan for myself. My boys set up a reading plan for LOTR last summer to get it done by S's birthday. Lots to think about here....:)

Then he said, "Mom, we really don't need you in the group. Why don't you go get coffee and read until you catch up?" I know my son likes my company, so this was not a 'get away from Mom' thing. What it was was a "we can handle it" thing. All natrually. This is all evolving naturally.

I let go. I had them write some discussion questions and we emailed them out to the group prior to the last meeting. At the meeting, they began talking and I went and got coffee for my sons and myself. I did listen, and got some of what they were talking about, but much went over my head. I did find a great Bassett Hound calender to look at on a table nearby.

A MAJOR spoiler was revealed, and everyone looked at me with wide eyes. I shrugged it off. I know it will not mean much when I get back to the books. I was enjoying watching the discussion too much to worry about spoilers.

I learned that I do not have to guide everything. We can have ups and downs. My job really is not one of teacher. It is to come alongside. Sometimes my job is just to get the coffee.

Tough Homily

My pastor had a tough homily to give today.

To set the stage: He is new to our parish, having been here about 3 months. He has spent his weeks here tirelessly trying to build community in our very large suburban parish. This weekend is our Fall Festival, a 20+ year tradition, which now has the main objective of paying off our new Million dollar + sanctuary. Know that, being in the part of town we are, we heavily support the DSF fund and the whole of the diocese missions financially.

So, that means that Father had to preach about divorce to a population of parishoners, that if you rely on statistics, are most probably divorced. The latest stat I heard is that mainstream Catholics are at about the same divorce rate as mainstream mainstream. And isn't that around 55% or so?

So, here he is. Trying to win the the hearts and minds of the parish. He has worked so hard the last months to build community. It is very easy for a 3000+ family parish to embarce standoffishness. It is easy to hide in a parish this big, or just stop coming.

When I read the readings for today I knew it would be an interesting homily.

I was at Mass alone, due to family logistics.. I had to do something yesterday, dh has to get on an airplane today, etc- so we split up.

So there I sat in the almost front row, alone, no family to distract me. :), listening.

He began with--- 'Humm.. it is Fall Festival time! Now I have to talk about divorce!" laugh. laugh. It was a good beginning. God gave him a wonderful personality and ability to connect.

He dwelt on the way God designed things. Genesis. How God planned on Man to marry woman. How they were to be together forever. How Moses got it wrong (you may divorce, per Deuteronomy) because hearts were so hardened. Jesus said we have to soften our hearts, be like little children. How do we feel when our designs are tharwted? When our children ignore us? That must be how God feels when his plans are laid aside....

I pretended, as I sat there alone, what it would feel like to be one of the divorced. Father said that most all of us go into marriage wanting that happy forever life. But something goes wrong. And then we have guilt, ansgst, worry.. if we had just done something different.

He also talked about those couples he sees. Those who have been married for decades (technically I am in this catagory). Some still hold hand when leaving Mass, talk together, help each other, laugh together. (techincially I am often NOT in this catagory...)

Yes, I want to be one of those, too.

I thought about how hard it is. Maybe it comes natrually for some couples, but many have to work at it. My dh and I talked about his on the way to the airport. He said how the 60's really was the beginning of so many problems. I agreed. I think I am still overcoming years of being a teen and young adult in the feminist and ME eras. I was so far from God, but I know he was with me all the time. My dh and I met in the midst of the ME people.. MBA school in the early 80s. Can't get much more ME that that! :(

It is work. To begin to serve others, and especially your spouse. But the Chruch gives us the parameters, the 'box' to try and stay within. Thou shalt not murder. Thou shalt not lie. Thou shalt not divorce. (look at 10 commandments and Jesus's teachings on marriage) Once we know that is a given, it is amazing what we can do to stay in the box. And to grow. When there is no back door, the yard looks a lot greener. This was not in Father's homily, but was in the one in my head.

It is hard in our culture today, because divorce is so common. I thank God for bringing me to the Church because it gave me my parameters. And I am a questioning sort of person. But there is so much depth here, if you care to look you can find where the source is for all of the teaching.

If you care to look.

And, I feel that comes only when we finally open ourselves to the grace of God. (OK, end of my homily)

God Bless all married people and I pray they will look to the source of teaching about divorce. I know this. When my wonderful Dh and I argue or I get so frustrated with him I want to spit,(watch out you short dachshunds below!) I know one thing. He knows we are together forever and so do I. It might depress him (poor guy) but it gives us something to work for, and I know, I need a lot of work. I am thankful he has been as patient with me as he has.
God's graces are working.

I pray that all priests will preach the truth, no matter how hard it is today, because really it is freedom.

New Territory

Tonight I did something that 10 years ago I never could have imagined I would do.

I am working with Lighthouse Catholic Media. It is strange enough that I am doing anything related to sales. I never saw myself doing that. But this came into my life so naturally. And I love the CDs. I get to download them all for free (being a distibutor), so my boys are way up on listening material, as is my dh.

Tonight I was invited to present to a men's Bible study group at a parish I have been talking with. A wonderful Catholic man who teaches the study thought the men's group might fund the intial outlay to get the ministry started and wanted them to understand the product.

I took my husband. We each had a unique story to tell. His was of a cradle Catholic who loved his faith but had drifted a bit. Mine was of a convert who found the truth while searching for information to talk her Catholic husband out of the Church.

Tonight we stood in the classroom of this small Catholic school in front of 15 men we did not know and told our stories. Then I gave the presentation that is becoming so familiar to me- how Lighthouse works in the parish and spreads the truth. We answered a few questions, then left.

On the way home, I asked my dh (who is a thoughtful introvert and also crack sales person and presenter) how I did. He said good. He raved to the boys when we got home how 'top notch' Mom was. lol Well, all those Charlotte Mason presentations paid off! But really it was enjoyable because this is good stuff and it came pretty easy. Though I was tense at the begining and felt I did not connect until the end when I spoke of my love for the Church, which came about in a large part due to learning about the Church, which is what Lighthouse is all about.

Anyway, we got home and the leader of the Bible study called. Someone in the room donated a check for $1000.00 to get the ministy started.

My dh joked that he can quit his job and fish. Yeah right. I think I spent more on ink and printer paper and gas than I will make in this little commission. But that is OK. It is spreading the gospel and the Church and my husband and I had a great time together. We stood up in front of a group of strangers and told our stories. I never thought I would do that. Just call us Scott and Kimberly. lol

And of course the boys got an earful when we got home. I told B next time he should give a 2 minute talk about the CDs he has listened to and how they have affected his life. He said no. But the seed is planted...

Speaking of seeds, I have this image. I can see the two parishes who have ordered Lighthouse in my mind. I can see the people I will be working with to help promote it and help it grow in the pairsh. The CD stands seem kind of like little plants that we will work together to make grow... once they order it, it just begins. We help them nuture it, help the parishoners see what is there, how to use the CDs in other educational minsitries.. etc.

This is really all so new and very exciting. I have been out of my comfort zone many times. A very hard part for me has been to call pastors I don't know and ask for an appointment. But as I told my dh this is not hard in that it is all good and if I fail, then it was not meant to be. If we do get an order, then I know God was helping. Talk about no quota pressure. :)


OK, I promised to make him popcorn, so gotta go.

God Bless

Just What Is it I Do All Day?

I sat down today and thought about what it is I do all day.

I am at a crossroads, I know I am. My youngest is not young anymore. I can vividly remember the days when every hour and minute was driven by the needs of the children. Babies, toddlers, dependent young sons who needed help with most every task. And wanted to share all their adventures. And when I wasn't helping or sharing I was cleaning up the wake. My hours were pretty much laid out for me, set by naptimes, eating times and sleeping times. I big challenge I had was to find a little Me time, to keep my battery charged and ensure my best was given to the family.

God has dealt with me gently. I can remember a couple of milestones he snuck in on me when I was least expecting. Such as that time upstairs going through a box of old homeschool stuff to find the workbook my son has filled out in a childish hand 10 years before. I had to cry for a while. Or, when they lost interest in read alouds. Or when the voices got lower and they became taller than me.

But, He is guiding me gently and also helping me to see the beauty in the boys who are growing into men. I really like being around them. I am so thankful he is letting me see this and we don't have a combative relationship. Oh, this is getting off topic.

So, I have these boys who are getting more and more independent. I have more time. But, my time is always filled. How did that happen? I am blogging and reading email lists, which I had none of when they boys were 10 and under. I still am not sure how moms with lots o' little ones find time to email and blog, but of course I would have done it, too if the Internet had been invented then... because it can be such a blessing.

I also have done more outside support work and now am doing Lighthouse. I found as the boys got older and older I slowly began to do more outside, such as a season of leading a Charlotte Mason group, organizing a co-op, etc. It is like water level.. it finds the right level... keeping the balance is important and it changes over the years.

So, I began to wonder where I am spending my time now. To a large degree this was brought on by a feeling I have been having that I am not doing 'what I am supposed to be doing." Does anyone ever have that feeling? I think it is more prevalent in a non-traditional format because gone is that satisfaction of checking off to-do lists. The only time that same level of satisfaction comes is when I journal and recap what we *did*.

But, I find I have so many hats now, that I am never sure which one I am supposed to be wearing.

So, this is what I did:

I sat down and thought about all the things I do in a week. A 'normal' week. Yes, I know there is no such things, but pegs have developed...

Then I thought about how many hours I spend doing each thing. This was not in order to condemn myself for not spending time the way I should.

But just to see...

Some of the things that came up on my list:

Mass
Working out (travel, dress, shower included)
Prep, eat and clean up meals
Bills/insurance
Cleaning
Email
Blogging (write and read)
Spend time with boys
errands, grocery shopping
talking on phone
etc.

I won't put my hours on here, but I bet you will find it pretty easy to get a talley for your week.
Then I took the number of hours in a week(168) and subtracted how many I need of sleep (66)to get my net available waking hours. When I compared that against how I spend my time, I found that my activities filled my time! (Can you tell I used to be in Finance?) lol

This exercise really gave me a sense of enlightment. More than I thought it would. I knew some areas where I spent too much time. I also was happy to see a lot of areas of time well spent.

But mostly it gave me a sense that what I am doing is good, it is my vocation and the things I fill my day with are worthwhile.

I did find that I do little for me.. still! I know you moms with little ones are thinking I am such a nerd, that Me time is so precious. But that is just it. When I have free time, I am not SURE where to spend it so I am not doing what I am doing. "Do what you are doing." Karen Andreola said, and she is right.

When I am paying the bills, I think I should be doing something with the boys. When I am straightening the house, I am thinking about the laundry, etc. So I never feel I am 'off duty' to spend time following my interests. That sounds strange, but I guess part of me always feels I should be doing something that will eventually help the boys.

And the strange thing is, they can tell. They like it *better* when I have my own true things. I know just how they feel. I felt the same at that age and knew when an adult did things just to try and get me interested. Humm.

Don't tell me to get a schedule. :/ I have read lots of great books, gleaned a ton of ideas and been on endless schedules. But I find that I need more than a schedule. A little box on Monday telling me to pay bills will almost guarantee I won't. I am responsible, but I have not found that balance of serendipity and structure.

So after my epiphany, I came up with a simple plan.

I have my pegs. Those are written in.They flow naturally. My mornings are taken with either Mass or workouts and I know what time I will be showered and ready to move on. Monday is grocery shopping, boys do coupons, unload the car-- Thursdays we all go to Mass, etc. Some days have a flow already determined.

I have a list of things I need to do most weeks. I wrote in how much time I need to give each.
-Insurance/bills- 1 hour
- LCM work 3 hours
-housecleaning 4 hours
-research homeschool ideas/books 2 hours

etc.

I put that list in a page protector and know that during the week I need to hit those items. In the past I would put them off. Last month I missed paying a bill on time. It will take me 3 dogsit visits to pay that late fee. ARGH!

So, during the week, I work on them as the time/inclination hits. Then, on days when the boys are plugged in, we do those things and ignore the rest.

If we are invited out, we go. We shift the have-tos to another day.

This may not work for all, but it is seeming to for me.

For me, I need to "Do What I Am Doing". And know that if we are playing now, the other stuff will get done later.

It also told me that the 3 hours I spend researching neat ideas for us on the Internet is time well spent.

And the 4 hours I allowed myself to answer email and blog is also therapeutic and informational.

And the hour on the couch, reading my journal, seeing where I was last year and how I have grown was priceless.

And, the time I spent looking through recipes and thinking about upcoming holidays is part of my job. A fun, but also very important part.

Oops.. I just made 6 blog posts in one day. I am way over quota! Oh well.. it will all even out in the end. All is not lost. :-)

Staying in Touch with the Holy Spirit

Hello all-

For those of you who have the books In Conversation With God , today's entry was full of gold.

There was so much in there today about our defects, how God sees our defects and loves us anyway, and how he wants us to grow in holiness. Also were reflections on suffering. This was poignant to me as I learned today that a friend I knew back in Ohio who had survived breast cancer 12 years ago now has had it return and she does not have a good prognosis.

The whole day's entry was very inspiring and I felt I wanted to write it all here, to share the hope it gives. But I will limit myself to a small bit. It just served to remind me in many ways that I am not alone on this journey. I have my friends to edify me and lift me up, guide me toward the Right, and also have the Holy Spirit who will not leave me.

Know that I am praying for you all. This is a journey we are all on together, and God is with us on the way. Here are some excerpts from today's entry.

"We should not become discouraged at the sight of our defects. The Lord has taken them into account. He wants us to make the effort to overcome them."

"At other times the Holy Spirit acts directly to insure some good. He speaks to us through the advice we recieve in spiritual direction, through events in our lives, through the impressive example of another person, through reading a good book...The Holy Spirit wants to lay in he edifice of my life the stone which is there and then needed... Everything has been ordered, permitted, decreed by our Father God so that we may achieve holiness. It is for this very reason that we have been created. This is the way in which we are to find happiness on earth and in heaven. Pain, suffering and failure are permitted by God so that we might never lose sight of our last end: For this is the Will of God, your sanctification."

"God never loves me more than when he sends me suffering."

"Progress in the interior life requires knowledge of (our dominant) defect. Let us ask God for his grace in overcoming it: Lord keep me away from whatever keeps me away from you."

Strewing

I shouldn't have to do this, because Leonie's blog is listed over in my side bar...it is Living Without School...
see? ----------------------->

But here is a nice post on strewing, for anyone who has not visited it recently. One thing I like about Leonie's writing is she gets her point across quick. Of course I like Willa because she is so deep, I don't mind at all reading her long posts.. (see Every Waking Hour). Then there is Maria, (Tater Tots, et al) who is so fun.

This post is getting away from me.
Here's the link to Leonie's post

I stopped and thought about the strewing I have (or have not) done lately.

My boys are different, in that typical strewing does not work as well for them. It does pretty good for my 13yo.... but my 16yo is less likely to pick something up I leave out. However, he is very willing to try something I directly give him. And, that has changed over the years. I remember back a few years when he was very relunctant to try things I suggested. Now he is. I think it is probably a combo of maturity and me trying to give him good stuff. A lot is maturity.

But, back to strewing. We had some nice unintentional strewing. Or maybe strewing by habit.

Some things we strewed lately:

- Our new priest from India came to dinner. We (my dh mostly) made him a full homemade mexican style dinner. We had to say 'pico de gallo' three times for him to get it. We realized how different we are from him.. in personality and culture. We learned a bit about his background and family. As our bigger dog planted himself under Father's chair at dinner and methodically scratched the carpet, we learned that in India dogs are not allowed in the house and nobody dared told him where Boomer and Ralphie sleep...:)

- Video games. Our new teen got quite a few for his birthday. They have strewed for me as they explain the games to me.

- Books- B got several books for his birthday, including one on tennis poetry and one on mysteries of the world.

-Conversations on history from my reading of St. Francis of Asissi.

I like the idea of a strewing table, such as Leonie posted. Funny how that seems to work somewhat well for one child, but the other is not one to 'pick things up.' It is almost like I research and strew and share it with him.

But I think it has a lot to do with temperment. I am finding I like that word better than 'personality'. Probably from readng The Temperment God Gave You I like it's Catholic viewpoint and the way it explains temperments.

Strewing, like all things, can be very individual. I found over the years it is OK if it 'doesn't take'.... often I would think we couldn't unschool because strewing 'didn't work'. But, I know that it is just one tool, and can be used many different ways. Well, one more thing I can't get all worried about. Amazing how we find those things.

I might try the coffee table idea again.. though it is always covered with books.. mine, my dh's, the boys'... but you know kids change, and maybe my older one would pick something new up?

I guess I am really rambling now. Will post more on strewing later. As, I am in reserach mode now (I love these energy surges I have when I am!) and see what goodies I find. I also know that not all will take. Something that took me a few years to figure out.

God Bless,

Cindy

A Fridge Says a Lot about One..

This picture is for Leonie. :)


- Hey it looks cleaner than in real life.. can't see the dirt and smudges!




As I stood staring at the fridge to take a picture, these two got pretty excited!
(and yes, they got a treat..)

My Dryer Broke

But I actually enjoyed hanging things outside. Check back in a couple of weeks... :)

A Milestone

We now have two teenagers! A couple of certificates from recent celebrations...

Celebrating Feast Days

I found this online- a cookbook of recipes for feast days:

Click here

And a
book-

And another....