Today I woke up early (5:10am) for no particular reason, other than perhaps it was that delicious nap I had yesterday afternoon...
But I went out to the front yard as I usually do, with my coffee and sat on the bench. I usually take the canines out to do their duty in the morning and sit on my bench and sip.
I found myself reflecting about all the bountiful blessings in my life. Not to sound 'Oprah-esque' but I think her advice to list out your blessings each day is a good one. In a society that usually has us wanting MORE it is humbling to see how much we have.
The first few came tumbling out, but not without a tear or two of gratitude. My dear husband, my two incredible sons, my friends and such lovely support who lead me to Christ when I most need it, our freedom of religion, our home, food on the table and all we really need to live.
Health- I can't tell you how often I will be working out at the Y (which I also love and is another blessing in itself) and think about how thankful I am of my health, which is not guaranteed. Especially on days when I am tired (I will be 50 next year!) or it is humid and I am dragging and don't feel like being there, what will pop in my mind is the people I visit at the hospital. The battles they are having with their bodies, some struggling for life, and others to just get back to where they can function.
I realize how blessed I am to have the freedom of MOVEMENT, no matter how bulky or awkward I am at times.
I find when I look at my blessings, all those complaints seem to melt away.
But, un-Oprah-esqly, I also saw the other day how our trials are also blessings. I had tea with a friend, one of these friends who always brings me gently and lovingly back to what is real and Christ.
She had just been through a trial- a relationship one. She was angry and trying to deal with it. She led me through the steps of how she did, how she struggled with her (justified!) anger and the cross that gave her. How she didn't turn her back on the person(s), but offered it up to Christ and and made positive overtures. And the freedom she felt with she did what she felt was right and let and anger go.
Turns out I had a similar struggle the same days she was having hers. Anger at a person in my life. And my first reaction was just to cut this person off. I was treated horribly shabbily, like no one else in my life ever treats me, but since this person is 'family' I guess they felt it was ok.
It was not. So I vented to my dh for a couple of days, then turned to my stack of In Conversation with God books to figure out how to deal with this and kept looking up adjectives in the index to describe this person (like horrible, annoying, insulting, etc)
But of course all I found in the index was things about me: (anger, meekness, pride) and such.
I read and prayed and things worked out, kind of. Our relationship is still how it was before the latest incident and I am certain another one will crop up. But, I realized that the blessing in this cross is that it took me back to the feet of Christ.
I tried to imagine in prayer that now cliche What Would Jesus Do? He was spat upon. He was humiliated. His closest friends betrayed him. What did he do? He did not get indignant and cut them off. He became even more humble, showing them the face of God.
I am still not sure how I will actually do that, but ridding myself of anger and not cutting the relationship off is a start.
I realized on the bench today that this is life. NOW. Here. I can't wish my problems away or change my relatives. God gave me this exact life for a reason. How I work through it will either increase or decrease my intimacy with God. And hopefully whatever I do will also show those around me the same and cause them to seek Him as well.
Thank goodness for the Holy Spirit because without Him I really would have no clue.
Then the sun began to come up, the mosquitoes were biting, so here I am at the computer finishing my coffee.
Have a blessed day-- through the joys and the crosses!
