All Things Work Together for Good

I had a little gift from above yesterday. For the past couple of years I would take my older son out now and then to chat about where he is, where he might be going, how we can work together to help him get there, and just shoot the breeze.

Usually it is pretty short and he is not too interested.

Yesterday we went out for coffee and talked for 2 hours. And he was the one that kept bringing things up. This article by Allison McKee was a great jumping off place.

I couldn't believe two hours had gone by.

I saw some things so clearly from our time together. Kids can change incredibly in a few months or years. You know how a toddler can be so different at age 13 months compared to 18 months. Well, if you have teens you also know they can, too. They can 'see' things at 17 that maybe they did not at 15 or 16. They are growing, maturing. All this work is happening on the inside that we can't see. I guess that is why we are told to just be patient... and pay attention.

We talked about options, what others have done through the teen years and beyond, his interests, things he would like to pursue and how I can help make that happen.
What he needs to do, what I need to do, what might be, and that we can't really know what will happen and that is ok. We have a pseudo plan, open to change which also will make Dad happier. The afternoon was a gift to me, a gift of encouragment from God I feel.

And it told me to stop listening to the voices out there. The parents pushing kids to college, or the ones who blame kids and don't push them. It is so easy to internalize. Or see kids who are not going anywhere and fear that is where you will be one day, not knowing what to do.

I feel the idea of 'paying attention' and keeping communication open is so important. And let them feel heard. And know you expect great things of them, and are on their side.

While I was spinning on the bike at the Y this morning my mind drifted back to when my son was 9. I was trying to get him to do math worksheets. This was a double whammy because both 'math' and 'worksheets' have never been a strength of his. I was so frustrated. I felt very strongly it was me against him. I had to make him do this.

It was then I first understood that this was wrong. I am ON his side. Yes, I expect great things of him, and it is his life to live, but I am his supporter, his facilitator, his cheerleader. It is not me *against* him. It is me *for* him, and being for him might mean many aspects of parenting, such as discipline, structure and correction. But it all works together for the good.

We are working together for the good.

The last analogy I thought of as I was huffing and puffing on the bike was my health goals. I have been working hard the past few months to get (back) in shape. Sometimes I would feel it is me against my body. Why is it still flabby? Why is the scale not going down? Dumb body!

But I realize that my body is simply reacting naturally to the stimlus it gets - execise and nutrition. It is part of me. I am part of it. Mind-Body-Spirit.
I felt a bit ill this week, so took some time off from exercising and today had a light workout. Instead of pushing myself, I listened to my body. We are working together now. Working together for good.

And, this all reminds me of how God works in our life. Ups, downs, successes, failures... he is in it all. He is in my son, my body, my workouts, my family the people I meet that challenge and irk me. It all works together for the good. If I can just keep that present in my mind.

A Ray of Sunshine

Monday morning was steamy in Houston, gray skies, warm temps threatening rain. Inside Shawn (the Quiet Painter) was applying the first oil coat to our new office french doors. The thick acrid paint fumes hung in the air. Our A/C had been out for 24 hours. Yes it is October, but in Houston A/C is a year round thing.

Digging through my files I found the number of our old AC repair shop. Actually I found two. One was not great. Which one? I called both. One could come tomororw, one today. I picked the fast one.

Then my dryer started smelling like it would blow up. Hot smell. As I hung my bedspread on the back fence, to further marinate, as no 'drying' would be done in this soup, the doorbell rang. Ralphie went into this ballistic doorbell barking rant.

I answered the door, and appearing in uniform was a youngish manm dark hair, dark eyes, trace of a spanish accent, was here to help with our A/C. He introduced himself as Ray.

Ok, I sighed to myself. Let's see what he says. It is always fair game when a new contractor shows up.

Dh was buried in his office making calls and holding online meetings. Ray followed me to the thermostat, I explained the problem. He listened. I was exasperated. I tried not to show it. I was still in my sweaty workout clothes after trying to run on my treadmill this morning. I had given up in the stuffy conditions.

It looked like rain and my favorite bedspread was surely growing mold on that fence.

We went out the front door, Ralphie barking at our heals. I showed Ray the compressor round the side of teh house and he began to look around. As he took off the back of it I asked if he needed anything else, and also didn't want him to feel I was breathing down his neck, offered to leave.

"Sometimes workmen charge more if the homeowner watches." I lamely joked.

"No,' he said. It is good if you stay because I can show you just what I find."

Ray had a note of optimism in his voice. Like, he was really interested in finding out what ailed my A/C and our sticky house.

He showed me what he found as he found it. Without boring you to death, suffice it to say we needed a new unit.

It began to sprinkle. We went inside. My bedspread tremored in the non-existant breeze.

I wiped last night's pie crumbs from the kitchen table and Ray and I sat. Bryan stood nearby listening. He always is interested in house things like this. Ralphie gave a disconcerted half bark. He hates spending money on the house. Doesn't trust contractors as they smell wild.

Ray explained what was broken, the quick fix, the long fix, the works. I asked a million questions as I always do. Ray listened and answered. It was different in a small way than the usual contractor.

Soon dh came out of his office, with a questioning look. Great- just as we got all the info out, we would have to start explaining all over. Ray offered to explain again. He did patently. I was rather surprised. That optimism again.

I am so glad dh came out when he did.. as Ray got to explain it instead of me.

But, again the optimism. Dh asked- what he would do if it was his AC? Ray told us and then said he likes to look at every house and situation as if it were his mother's or sister's. I know this may sound corny but it seemed real.

I began to ask him about himself, how long he worked with this company and what he thought of them. Turns out he was offered a great job co-running another AC business. He loved it, but worked a zillion hours and missed his kids. So he came back to this business where he can be home, with a bit less money. He then shared some of his philosophy of life in between the lines...- his positive attitude and how he can help influence others. Bryan was abosorbing every word. So were dh and me.

He was a Ray of sunshine on this dark, misty day with moldy bed linen on the fence.

Yesterday as they began to install, Ray helped the main guy, Winston, get started. From up in the game room (our overloaded room that needs clean out so badly) I heard a giant crash! The plastic 3-tier bookshelf on which I keep all our sciecne books had fallen. Ray and Winston began to pick up - I told them to leave it.. I would. This got me to finally move these books out.. but then Ray and I started talking. About his kids. Especially his son who is 8 and loves to read. Ray is not much of a reader, but his son always has his nose in a book, Narnia, Harry Potter and beginning LOTR. Wow, Ray- that is great. Ray knew. Not sure where his son got it, but was glad.

So, Ray brought some sunshine. His attitude on life. His emphaisis on customer service. ("I solve people, not problems." he said).

His committment to his family. And his priorites. They are in the right order.

Ding Dong. Ralphie goes wild barking. It's the dryer guy.

Awesome Post : You are Here

Aweseom post by Donna that again neutralizes those pesky labels... and reminds me about living life.

This is not a race! :)

Our Teens' Paths

I have been thinking reading (again) lately about our children's, specifically our teen's paths. How much do we help 'steer', how do we help them find their way?

The solution when I was a kid was that children followed a set course, i.e. school.

The marker was grades.
The goal was high SAT/ACTs and college.
The ultimate goal was a good paying career.

I am thankful I have come to an understanding as a parent that there are larger goals. "Heaven Not Harvard", as one dear homeschool mom says. I mean, it could be *both* Heaven and Harvard, but it would be so if that was where God wanted the child. So, still, no set formula. Lots of prayer and uncertainty-- Ah I love parenting! :-)

In focusing on helping my dc find their strengths and interests and spending my time encouraging and facilitating those, I see they have had time to discover this in themselves and have a sense of self. I hope the sense of God's purpose follows, too. I told my son the other day that he is already way ahead of me in that- I never considered or understood God had a purpose for me until I was well into my 30s! So even if he has no clue what it is right now, he knows it exists. God's hand is firmly in our lives.

On the UC list recently we have been talking about when dc waft. Otherwise known as 'lulls'... or not behaving in a way where we can see schooly learning or really anything.

I have read a lot on this in the past and believe this is not only not BAD but it is necessary. John Holt, Charlotte Mason and now Plato (of which I am reading right now) understood that a child needs time to think, process and let the inputs of the world come together in his mind. John Taylor Gatto expresses this in Dumbing Us Down as he talks about traditional schools and all the 'bells' and 'no place to hide'.

Our kids have a place to 'hide' and I think that is one of the most precious gifts we can give them. I love to hide when I need to, then emerge and embrace the world when it is time. St. Francis of Asissi knew this, too. He said to be able to go out into the world and do your work, you much have time in prayer and solitute to recharge, reconnect with God.

Also in my reading about Intorvert/Extroverts and personality types, I see it over and over- we must know ourselves and nurture ourselves and recharge. And connect with God.

But moms often worry about wafting and drifing... it is difficult as the world tells you 'action' is good. Gosh we see that with adults all the time. BUSY is a badge of honor. Busy can be good, too, but lulls are not seen as productive.

Maybe it is about learning to see the value in the lulls. And recognizing when someone might need help moving back to the world. Humm...

Last night I read a few more things that helped my perspective. On Joyce Fetterolls site Joyfully Rejoycing- I found again that, wow. this site is a great antidote for the unschooling jitters...

Joyce talked about what causes kids to become addicted- really another form of 'dropping out' - Bad Wafting. Some mom asked about TV. Joyce says if a child is 'addicted' to something it is not the 'something' that is causing it. It is the unhappy child. Why are they unhappy? Most probably because they are not understood, listened to and connected with. If you have a child that recieves that then the drifting/wafting will probably be a healthy thing, not a lack of connection or 'running from life'.

This gave me a lot to think about and some comfort. Though there is not a definitive *answer*.

I also re-read most of Allison McKee's From Homeschool to College and Work. In addressing what best prepares a child for college she said the MOST important thing (in her opinion) is they become an expert in something. Anything. Her son's passion was fly fishing. It is amazing to read about him and all the facets of life he learned from the tying, researching, etc he did.

But, Allison said, if they see your child loved something enough to learn and live it, the powers that be (college admissions and the like) will know how to reserach and learn any subject. This is why they LOVE unschoolers. Again we are on the cutting edge, friends, as we venture into the future. How much of the past can we let go of? lol

Again, as Joyce writes, it is like letting go of the side of the pool in the deep end. Where are my floaties?

I am of course influened by my past and experience, in that I was so prepared for 'school' I could have probably gotten a degree in any subject. Maybe without passion, but I could have by sheer momentum.. :) I wonder what it is like to not have the schooly background, but to have passion. How would one apply themselves to life? What keeps them going if they are not focused on artificial goals?

I am trying to explain to my sons the balance of the artificial goals (the 'tickets' of grades, classes, etc to get them to the 'next level') and the passion goals. It is going to be fun to see where my boys head. They are ready; that is what I hear from all the sane voices. I kind of wish I had had the same background as they do, the base from which to start. No preconceptions, no 'one path'... and lots of passion.

Ok.. gotta let go of the sides. :)

I Find Myself Talking Myself Into NANOWRIMO...

... as tell others about it.

Here is an email I wrote to a friend when she asked for more info..



Picture it.

You have one month to write a novel.

The novel you have always dreamed you would write.

Who you?! You don't have time! You have kids! You have a job! (homeschooling- and maybe more... )

You have a family!

But.. who is writing novels during the month of November at NANOWIMO?
All sorts of people.. moms, students, full time employeres and homeschool moms!['

What do they do?

They write 50, 000 words in one month. You start on Nov 1. You end precisely on Nov 30. Unless you finish early. No extensions because of Thanksgiving, you have to factor that in. Tough, yes.

Hey, you probaly say 50,000 words in one day!

You can plan your plot, characters, backdrop, history etc, before. But you cant' write a word of Chapter One until November 1, 2007.

50,000 words is about the length of The Great Gatsy. But it doesn't have to be the quality. :) Well in my case it was.. picture Jay Gatsby in Stillwater, Oklahoma.. just kidding.. :)

Ok, here is my experience:

I wrote a 'novel'. gosh, it is a mess, but it all came out. Kind of like a hummm... a birth of all the things I had inside? I just started, with little planning, knowing no one would read it. When I knew that, it came out on paper. and it was so fun, and also hard, just a wondeful experience. I had my daily quota of words and had to work hard to keep it up, ran the story lines by my boys, asked about characters.... it really is true that characters take on a life of their own, but so many came from my past. My muse was loud C&W music, Joe Ely specifically. I also had lots of spirtuality in my novel and many who converted... (maybe I should try and get it published?)

And Thanksgiving.. that is right near the NANOWRIMO deadline... that was hard. We went to my parents, and I knew I should be home writing.. so I bumped up my quota before I left.. and I made it!

To actually do this, w at you do is log in to the site and you upload your word files and they have a word count that tells you if you made the word quota.

Many nanowrimo actually publish books, most don't. The whole point is to release the inner author and support each other in the journey...
Here is one NANOWRIMO friend (homeschool mom) I met who published her novel:
http://www.amazon.com/Eldala-Michelle-Gregory/dp/0615148182/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/105-4221941-1610802?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1190388869&sr=1-1
let me know if I can help more-- I think I will try it this year!
click here for the site

Journalling

This has been an interesting week as I have been immersed in writing up credits for the first two years of Stephen's high school.

I am so glad I wrote down what I did.

I wish I could have captured more. Not for credit sake, but just for the memories.

It was been so neat to think back on the livng we have done, and the thinking the boys have done. Many converstations I had forgotton that really have shaped who they are. Sometimes they will come up with some thought or knowledge or skill and I will wonder (as I am sure all moms have)--- Where did they learn this?

It is fun to see at least part of whence it came. (Oh... Victorian English, can you tell I have been reading Sherlock Holmes?)

Then, to develop a 'credit' in the stilted fashion the world, or part of it likes to see, is really facinating.

I am thinking about beginning a Beautiful Journal. Some lovely sketchbook or something where I can write down life, that will become credits, too-- but also have life. And beauty. I have taken to coloring my Franklin Covey planner with my watercolor pencils. I love it. So relaxing, so creative, so life-full. The computer is so-- well-- digital. lol

But, it is fast. I know I would never have gotton down so much if not for the speed typing I do. Also it was so nice to cut and paste to arrange things.

Something to think about. But, I had a friend who once said she would never journal, it seemed a waste of time. I am not consistant at it, but it is not by many means a waste of time. For me, it cements life, gives it depth and lets me see my past, that so often has a tendency to flit away in the current busy moment.

Prayer for Beginngers- Peter Kreeft

This is a simply beautiful book , but as usual Dr. Kreeft gets right to the center of the heart of things, in a wonderful poignant way. It reminds me of all the things I already knew but never remember to do, and gave me some new insights. What I took away--? Prayer: Just do it! And then of course the beauty of being in God's presence.

Highly recommended as one of my all time favorite books.

My Baby is Seventeen

Ok, he is my oldest, so not the 'baby' of the family.

But he was my first baby. This is going to be sentimental, so feel free to skip it. I promise to post a cartoon or something tomorrow. lol

Birthdays are pretty special around here and that may be in part because there is just the four of us, we can do them up pretty well. I know big families who also love birthdays but they have them almost every month with all the kids! But around here, July is a big birthday month for Stephen and me, the October for John and Bryan. ;) We only get birthdays twice a year!

We are not celebrating until the weekend as John is out of town on a sales trip. But, of course, we need to mark the day and make it special.

I have loved doing up the day for my boys in years past. Every birthday I make them a 'certificate' framed and signed by the whole family, pets sometimes, too, and grandparents when they are in town. It tells them how special they are and basically gives them a pass from all chores on the big day. The boys each have a wall of certificates framed on their bedroom walls. :)

We are in the habit the past few years of giving the boys a 'starter' present in the morning as John would be working and then we would have our family celebration in the evening, complete with chocolate cake (with homemade butter cream frosting) for dessert. I only make that cake three times a year. It is so rich, that is just enough---oh it is heavenly!

In past years the starter present has often been a video game, and they get to play all day (no limits!)-I also have been known to wrap up beautiful packages containing such things as 7up, Pringles, Almond Joys, Skittles (when they were little) to make the day extra special.


Today I just have a bunch of balloons tied to Stephen's chair. And I wrapped up some beautiful fridge magnets I found at Franklin Covey. One says:

Never never never never never never give up. ~Winston Churchill

The other is a wonderful quote about following your dreams. (it is wrapped so I can't quote it exactly). They will end up on the fridge for us all to see every time we grab a snack or drink.

Later today we follow another tradition that started somehow a few years ago. The boys have a good friend, C.B, and we got in the habit of going the four of us to Olive Garden and ordering soup and breadsticks (and salad for me). It is unlimited! So we go in the non-rush hours, and they bring and bring and bring food and I get to talk with these young men. I take them on each one's birthday- so we get to go 3 times a year. Fun!

I always warn the waiter... prepare to bring LOTS of breadsticks! Seeing three teen boys they always nod knowingly.


So, as I was in the grocery store buying balloons, it hit me. My baby is 17. I tried to survey the years as I walked through the aisles and back to my car. What a privilege it has been to watch him grow up. The past few years have especially been poignant as we see him passing my dh and myself at times in knowledge and insight.

And I see more clearly each year that God created each child, each person so uniquely. The traits I remember when Stephen was 2, are still here at 17. It is who he is through and through. I feel incredibly lucky to have been his mom on this journey.

The I tried to remember his birth day. Oh, that was so long ago. Long, long. I was in such a different place. My faith has grown so much since then (thank you, Lord)- as it was barely on my mind then. I was so young and had such little experience with babies. I know God's graces were with me, as I made many mistakes, but somehow learned. I know he put people in my life. I can see them all, many who I still keep up with and have met in recent years and are reading this now. What a wonderful tapestry life is.

Ok, so my big kids and I are going to enjoy this day, then await our weekend celebrations. I am feeling very lucky these days.

What Kind of Homeschooling?

Lovely post by Donna, here.

Expressed much of my life and feelings about our homeschooling journey. Thanks, Donna!

How We Homeschool **ATM**

This topic is one that I think will always be on the front burner to most of us, and I know it is for me. It ebbs and flows. Sometimes I feel very comfortable with what we are doing, then at times I will step back and re-evaluate. What are we doing? Does it fit us? Does it fit us *now*?

Maria has a lovely post on how her family came to unschool. She also talks about the definition of unschooling. She also references one of my favorite blog posts by Melissa Wiley about Tidal Homeschooling.

Well worth the read and I enjoy reading it again now and then.

My boys, being 13 and 16 and very practical and a bit cynical don't even really care for the label of 'homeschooler', much less 'unschooler'. This kind of surprised me when it first popped up a couple of years ago, especially since they LOVE being home and are eternally grateful our family discovered homeschooling. (Yes, I remind them of this constantly and the selfless sacrifice Mom is making for them..lol)

But seriously, I can see it what they are getting at, even if they could not articulate it. They were in a way the canary in the coal mine for me, detecting the artificiality of labels.

I know I have been on a mini-quest in search of a label for a few years. When I was immersed in Charlotte Mason it was a very nice fit and I found like-minded people very easily. Something that is very, very helpful, especially for a newer homeschooling mom.

But, I think the boys have seen various stereotypes develop with homeschooling. And, as we know, most stereotypes spring from a seed of truth. They saw some overly rigid (to their tastes) families doing things that were not 'them'. So they began to reject the homeschool label. Yes we homeschool, but it is really a negative definition. We learn, we just don't learn in school. I think maybe what we do, is how John Holt tried to define unschooling when he first coined the phrase years ago.

In an article in Life Learning magazine, Pat Feranga talked about John Holt and his life and vision. He said that Mr. Holt coined the phrase 'unschooling' to give a name to what families were doing at home with their children while all the other kids were in school from 9am to 3pm. They were NOT schooling in the sense the government schools were.

I think my boys may have seen that were were not only NOT schooling like gov't schools, but we were also NOT homeschooling like a lot of other homeschool families. And that is ok. Because other homeschool families also have their style. But as much as I was drawn *to* a label, my boys seem to have been repelled from one.

So, we have developed our own style. No, not really a style, I think it is a life. I am actually glad to try and drop the labels, though they are handy. I like Melissa's coinage of the term Tidal Homeschooling. I like it because I think that is where I am most comfortable, too.

She does a wonderful job digging into the role of parents. That we can set the stage, strew the treasure, provide guidance. She talks about 'leaving our children to their own devices' and how that plays into it, positively and negatively.

I see that though my boys don't want formal study, they do want direction, though they won't come out and ask. I think they like to know that even though this education is *theirs*, which we have often talked about, that someone older and with more experience has a hand on the rudder.

That plays very well into my personality, too, as I love to learn. And research. And explore new ideas and share.

This was much easier when they were little. I look at Melissa and Maria's blogs, as well as others, and remember the days where the boys were little and loved most everything I suggested! A trip to the museum.. yes! A science project.. fun! A new read-aloud... terrific! Now that they are older they are less willing to jump on mom's bandwagon, and of course I am dealing with almost-adults here, so have adjusted.

I know their interests, which do get narrowed as one gets older. So I try to pick and choose and bring them things that will help broaden them, but also fit their styles. It is harder, but also more rewarding in some ways, in that I am learning higher level material, often adult level and that, I enjoy.

We have been in a season where I have primarily encouraged them in their own interests, but I think (like Melissa's tide) we are coming back to me introducing more. Much of it is me- where I am, what I am doing, what mode I am in.

I wonder, how much of our children's learning and experience is really based on the whim or personality of the mom. I think a lot. But I also think that there are many ways for a child to learn and succeed in life and each mom is a gift. And a mom in research mode is a gift... but then so is the mom who lets the tide ebb and we all just live for a while. Maybe that is why God made women so emotional, so the children could see it, and buoy up and down with the tides... (as long as we don't let them PMS moon terrorize the house! I have learned on those days, just to be very, very quiet... lol)

I used to think that it was ALL up to me. If I didn't get all my school ducks in a row, I failed. Then as we relaxed more, I saw the real learning going on in low tides of introduction of material, but that were often very high tides of learning. I would not give that part up for anything, that is the REAL learning that we all can experience.

But, now I am realizing even more that we are complex creatures (especially women) and our changes and ups and downs are a gift. We are not machines, life is not perfect and what better lesson for our kids. Consistency is not the high prize. That is biggest asset of schools. Love is the prize. Connections. Real parenting. And that is why unschooling is NOT unparenting.

Well, to conclude this ramble, I wanted to put in a quote from the Life Learning Magazine. This is Pat Faranga talking about John Holt and how he changed his ideas and philosophies as he experienced more and learned more. It told me that it is ok to learn and grow and change how we do things. Because we learn a better way does not mean we blew it doing it the old way. And we can change again. It is OK. :)

The revisions to his earlier books reflect this growth in thinking. As his ideas developed he didn't excise his previous thoughts, he built on them....for instance, he drew a line down the side and said," He's the other John Holt: I thought that was a good idea at the time but now the older John Holt knows this to be the case." He didn't need to protect his position by erasing his former thoughts and writings like so many writers do. And the subtext of that is that he was proving by example that people can continue to learn.

Life Learning Magazine

I am really enjoying a new magazine that was suggested by my friend
Cay.---Hi Cay!!

She mentioned it on the UC list and said that when people asked her how she homeschooled, she could just hand them a copy and say "Read this."

It is called Life Learning Magazine

I have found the same thing! I have been reading some back issues online and found a very large percentage of it resonates with me. It reminds me a bit of reading the old Growing Without Schooling magazines. A friend gave me some issues when I began homeschooling and there was such a warm quality about them. These were published before the Internet, so moms would send in questions and problems, then in the next issue other moms would offer suggestions. What a beautiful community. They also had articles, etc.

This magazine began in 2002 and I started to read the back issues in PDF on line. I get so tired of the computer screen and wanted to be cozy. So I took the laptop and curled up on the couch while my dh watched the evening news shows. But the computer fan kept blowing hot air on me (or was that from the news shows?) and the screen still hurt my eyes.

I thought about printing out the magazine, but it was over 30 pages, with lots of color and ads and some stories I didn't need. So I printed, but selected only the pages I wanted and put in a soft back 3 ring binder.

Now I curl up and read away! I do think I will subscribe, to get a really nice magazine copy and also support them.

Here is one article that I just loved. It explains much of how I feel about interest-led homeschooling... with parents mentoring. As she said, this type of lifestyle does not mean parents are hands off. Self education is not the goal, but helping our children become self educated is. If that makes sense!

Click here for the article. This will take you to the magazine PDF file and scoll down to:
From Womb to World: Rethinking Self-Education by Katharine Houk.

I wish I could cut and paste it here or give a direct link, but am not sure how with pdf. It is well worth reading!

I may splurge and buy some back issues to curl up with.... instead of having to pick and print.

Life After Kids...

A rather shocking title to many of you I know out there. Maybe God is having me go through this way before many of my friends to help prepare you for this rocky journey.

I know, I know, live in the moment. Enjoy every blessing. Don't look forward and don't look back... :) That is all true and it is all scriptural, too. However, having two soon to be grown boys, I can't help think about life when they are gone.

I want them to grow up, of course. And be independent and have happy, healthy lives (God willing) and be what God wants them to be. But, as they become more independent and need me less, I see it takes quite a bit of will and magnaminity to be the mom who is that wind beneath thier wings, so to speak.

When they leave, there will be a very, very big hole in our lives. I have had to face this, think about it, imagine it and feel it. Because I know it is coming. When I have cleaned out closets and found pictures or scribbles they did when they were six, I thought my heart would burst. I miss those days so much. It is a grieving process. But I think at least I know it.

And I know that I can trust God to fill my life back up again. Probably with something I won't even expect. Trust, that is what it all comes down to.

I had a friend tell me this week that life after kids is glorious. Her children are grown and gone and she is expecting her 2nd grandbaby soon. Her relationship with her husband has blossomed and she is finding that is deeper and happier than it was before kids. That is something nice to think about.

I know God is preparing me and just as my heart finds little nuggets of joy, I am finding bittersweet moments, too. It is like small little vignettes to let me know it is time to step back. He is letting me see in little bits how my life is changing, my role is changing and my family is changing.

Some of these are milestones, other are just little markers along the way of life.

Ones that have stuck in my memory are:

The first time I heard the toliet flush by itself when my oldest was 3.

The sound of lunch plates automatically being carried into the kitchen after weeks of habit-reminding.

Every little milestone of when I could leave the house for a minute, then for a bit longer, then with cell phone for an hour, then all afternoon, and now all day if I need to.

The Saturday afternoon that I left for errands and no one seemed to notice. It didn't cause a major wave in anyone's life that I was gone, they (all three) had become self sufficient. (You remember baby todder stage, when dh and you had to tag team...)

When my son(s) began explaining things to me that I didn't understand.

The day my oldest was taller than me.

The day my youngest was taller than me.

All the little things I have handed off- from reminders to change underwear to bring down laundry. It is all being done by these grown up boys.


Yesterday was one of those moments, when I realized my life is appreciably changing.
Boys were occupied with a friend visiting at our house. A friend of mine was taking her 6 kids to the roller rink and would be sitting and coloring with her youngest so invited me to come chat.

So, I entered the crowded roller rink, sans children. We talked above the din. Another homeschool mom showed up and we chatted and she asked were my children were.

At home. I said.

She looked surprised! Such a foreign concept to be doing something *without* your kids! I know it was foreign to me until a couple of years ago. But now I am finding though our lives are intertwinned, my dh, boys and me all have different interests, too and levels of social needs and we are all together, yet independent.

It is new and I am open to it, waiting for what God has. Life is exciting and it is not scary..... as long as I remember to trust...

More Flylady Wisdom

I get about a bazillion FLYlady emails every week, but they go directly into a folder, so I just peruse them at will or when I need a reminder about what zone we are in or want to see the daily mission, etc.

She also has fabulous testimonials. Some I relate to more than others.

At the bottom of this entry, I have attached one I like. To me this is about getting out of the self-imposed prisons we put ourselves in. That seems to be a theme at present for me. ;)

Now you all know I have this wonderful dh, who seems to be getting better each year. (Or could God be working on me...) But I have had issues like this one over the years: waiting and waiting for my dh to do 'something' I thought he should. Or something he said he would, either b/c I asked him or he just said hi planned to. And when he didn't, I would stew. Oh, what energy I have put into that stew over the past quarter century.

Latest point- for Mother's Day I mentioned I wanted a bench for the front yard. Just a cheapie. But when I take out my darling dogs in the morning, they LOVE the front yard, as opposed to the boring old back yard. I will take my coffee and stand and wait for them, listen to the birds, watch the squirrels. So I wanted a bench from which to watch life go by and sweet dachshunds mark territory.

I got a gift certificate made by Number Two son for my bench. That meant I had to do the legwork to find it, but that is ok. Dh knows that way I will get just what I want.

Long story short, I found it, issues with delivery, price variations, etc. And wanting to involve him, asked his opinion- he takes longer on decisions that me.. sigh. Then finally we decided and I had to run all over to a different store, find guys to haul it to the car, etc.

I would have LOVED a turnkey operation. Have my bench appear while I sipped lemonade and fanned myself. If I had waited for that, I would still be standing in the front yard, waiting for the dogs to go.

But I am letting that go. Dh was busy yesterday getting ready for work and working out, while I was out in the heat driving all over. He will slay other dragons for me than the ones I picture in my head. And he needs to work out and get ready for work! Wow, big revelation!

Anyway, here is the Flylady letter.

Dearest FlyLady and awesome FLYcrew,

Your Thursday reminder was right on
time for me. I renewed my license
plates, saving the late fee I would have
had to pay if I waited one
more day. I took me (ugh) an hour and a half in
the Secretary of
State's office.

THAT felt so good that today I got
my growling, grinding, failing
brakes fixed. Instead of CONTINUING TO NURSE
the martyrish feeling
"why won't DH do this for me???" because of your
challenge I shopped
by phone for a good price & guarantee, made the
appointment, and got
it done. DK (dear kids) and I can now ride around
safely and legally.

Dr. Laura ---(don't throw tomatos yet...)

Oh, Dr. Laura, how do I synthesize my relationship with you succinctly? Ah, if you were here you would know the 5 right words to yell at me and would never let me say

"I don't know..." lol

Ok- I listened to Dr. Laura some in my past life and felt she was probably one of the smartest things on radio or in the media comparatively speaking. It is so bad out there, she was a relative voice of sanity.

But, she bugs me on a few issues (well she is not Catholic and doesn't see the whole picture, so that is just that), but she yells, uses some words I don't care for and has a bit of a shock factor that probably keeps her ratings up and keeps me away.

I have read/skimmed several of her books. I read The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands a couple of years ago and need to devote a whole post to that. Just to summarize:

I think it was a book that needed to be written. I think the femimist movement (coupled with the sexual revolution) messed up a lot of young women, including me. So though the book seemed heavily weighted toward the woman's fault in
'messing up relationships', I think women are the ones who need the message the most.

But reading that book, I felt something was missing. I could not put my finger on it. I asked a few friends and we never came up with a satisfactory answer.

I picked up Woman Power, Dr. L's follow up to TPCAFOH at the library last week. It got closer. It helped explain why she wrote the first book and had exercises etc. I didn't feel called to fill them all out, but it added more to my thought process.

Now I am 3/4 through with her third book in the 'series', The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage.

This book in my not-so-lowly opinion nails it! I have been reading this book and so far have found very little I disagree with (other than her again use of rough words.. I know, I know she is trying to get the attention of a very rough society...she is writing for the mainstream, God bless her.)

This book may not touch others of you as is did me, but I feel it is a very important part of the puzzle/journey I have been on since my young adult-hood.. actually my teen-hood- well probably since my baby-hood, as it all starts at the beginning.

I had to learn to value being a wife and mother. I was raised the opposite way. I won't go into that whole story again as I have blogged it too many times already.

But I mention it in that I suspect others have been on that road, too. Maybe the readers of this blog don't have that as dominant in their lives as the mainstrem, but you never know. :)

This book talks about the gift and beauty of femiminity. Yes, you can be feminine in your workout clothes and kickboxing gloves. lol It is understanding the men and women are different. Men need nurturing. Women need protecting and a knight in shining armor. If I treat my man like a knight, he will treat me like a maiden, and Dr. Laura is right, I LOVE to be treated like a maiden!

Society has sold us a bill of goods, especially the femi-Nazis. Yes, I believe in the worth and intelligence of women. JPII (bless his soul) said that it is fine for women to work.. just so long as they have taken care of the family first. Family is first.

It can be a joy to love your family. To see the seeds you plant take root. To watch them blossom. And Dr. Laura is right. Men are simple. Not stupid, but simple. They just want love.

Ok, you can throw tomatoes now. :) But try this book if you don't like Dr. Laura.. and see what you think!

What I Did Today

**Warning! My list got really long! Don't read if you are all relaxed and enjoying life and this makes you think you have to go do something..I was surprised at all I did yesterday, but it was just a 'medium to heavy' kind of day. I am taking a new joy in keeping the house, and it was fun to make the list and know it all benefitted my family. :) **

I was just finished up laundry and thought I would make a post on what I did today. I realized I really did a lot. Lots was fun, some was work, all was a normal kind of day for me.

1. Got up.
2. Did my morning routine
3. Coffee and email
4. Workout at the Y- Kickboxing and 1/2 a strength class
5. Started laundry. Ended up doing 6 loads.
6. Did my Blessing Hour (ala flylady) But it took longer since I let my routines go a bit the past days. Changes all the bed sheets, dusted, swept kitchen, did windexing. Boys vacuumed the downstairs and did various chores as I directed.
7. Did 15 minute zone cleaning in kitchen.
8. Made a batch of my magic elixir....
9. Started crock pot dinner
10. Made various short order meals for my boys
11. Phone calls to make appointments
12. Watched the last of my art lectures.. sniff- sniff.. I need part one!
13. Took dogs for a walk seperately as they drive me crazy tangling leashes. This was not good. Ralphie was balistic when I left with Boomer even though he just had his own walk! During walk I brainstormed how to make my patio pretty.
14. Talked to oldest about options for confirmation
15. Had a 30 min conversation with company about the teen version of Jeff Cavins Bible study.
16. Took a short snooze while watching art DVD
17. Talked to dh on phone as he was driving home from Dallas.
18. Drew schematic of patio to try and come up with a design to make it a happy place. I may put picture on my blog to get ideas from you smart people!
19. Did some blogging, list reading, etc.
20. Googled patio design and some other interests.
21.Checked in on the news, got depressed and turned it off.
22.Thanked God for my day. :)


I am tired.. I didn't realize I had done so much and probably forgot something!
Oh, yes, I talked to the boys during the day, but they were pretty occupied with their stuff, too.

Hope you all had a good day.

New name!

Yes, I have changed the name of my blog. It may change again...

I also hope to spend some time revising the look of my blog. Willa kindly explained to me how to put a picture of my own on the banner and I am still working on that. She has a beautiful one (click here).

Maria does, too.. and she took that picture herself. So cool!

I promise it won't be a dachshund... well maybe not. But something really cool. Ok, boys want the computer and I am making spaghetti and meatballs.. so gotta run.

More changes coming...!

Time Gift

Well, I had a call this morning that was cancelled so have this little gift of time!

Maybe I will post an entry.

I am trying to add things to this blog that reflect our life. Where we are. Journalling I might not do in my spiral. My spiral tends to be very short entries. Oh, the other day a found a Word journal I started. It was so wonderful. It told of how our life was running then, what the boys were into, what dh was doing, what I was doing.

At risk boring all 6 of my readers, though, I need to find a happy medium. Blogs are interesting things- sometimes enigmas...

Ok, here is a snapshot of our life atm.

S is 16.5 yo. He is a head taller than me. I think back on what he was like as a baby, age 2, age, 5, age 10, etc and he is true to himself. I remember thinking what he would be like as a teen, back when he was younger, and I had not pictured it all. I had pictured some, but what I didn't see was the complete truth of his character. He is very honest and true. Deliberate and careful. Likes to take his time and do things right. Dry sense of humor. Loves his brother more than I could ever imagine a brother could.

B is 13.25yo. I love being around him. He is so sharp, often 3 steps ahead in my thinking. He catches on to things so quickly and the things that used to frustrate him have mellowed out. He has a tremendous sense of humor (as does S, but they are different in ways) and he really loves his brother.

They love to do everything together. As S says, he can anticipate what B is going to say or do by a look. They have a handful of very good friends that they befriend equally. And they are very good at choosing friends.. I shouldn't say 'choosing' so much as drawn to. They like boys who are interested in things as they are and like to talk about them. I am blessed as I never have to worry about bad influences from these guys. And I love being around them.

One of my favorite memories was when they had about 5 friends over and all of a sudden hunger hit. I just made big pots of pasta and they ate and laughed!

Dh is working from home now and is happier in his job than he has been in literally 10 years. He is getting more interested in the boys' learning which is good, but an adjustment for me! I have been so used to going it solo! (Though he is always there if I really need him.)

My dh is a Chemistry major, though he went on to business (we met in Business school), but he understands the sciences and wants the boys to have a basic understanding. So right now I have a ton of books on order at the library on Chemistry. Just picked up Chemistry for Dummies at the library yesterday. Love those "Dummies" books.

I never liked Chemistry, so really this is a new adventure. This is really kind of a litmus test for me with this lifestyle of learning. How often has a mom said to her dc:

"You must learn (fill in the blank)."

"Why?" the dc says.

"Because it is important." sez Mom.

Off they go. Could be really boring materials that would put Mom to sleep. And she has no stake. So, I will have a bit of a stake.. and wonder if there is a better way to learn Chemistry than my high school class back in 1975? I wonder if Chemistry can be interesting? I wonder why my dh thinks it is important? (I have an idea, but am really curious to explore and find out more.)

So, that is on order.

And of course, our Civil War. I won't post too much on that since I have already. But now B and I have S watching the Ken Burns DVDs. But parts are graphic, which is not S's style. I forgot about a scene where there is a photograph of all the amputated limbs and in a pile. Led to a good discussion about violence. S asked why I think a certain VG is violent, but not that?

Humm.. I had to think. When I got honest it was because this was labeled "history' and VG was not. But, really, also because it helps understand and empathize with the human condition at that time. However, that said, I just finished Uncle Tom's Cabin. Stowe was able to relate the horrors, indignity and violence of slavery without one foul word or graphic scene. But you *knew* deeply what was happening. I think that is a lost art.

B is reading short stories written in the Civil War period and S is reading a modern novel of Bull Run.

The boys also just learned of a really cool game from their friend M called Brick Wars. You take all your millions of spare LEGO pieces and play a strategy game. The Guest Room/Light Saber Room has now been converted to the Brick Wars Room.















They have played out most of their Christmas VGs and are on to different things. Never enough time in the day, is what I hear mostly.

We are doing tennis every Friday and Rod is as funny as ever. We enjoy seeing friend C every Friday as we pick him up from school. Interesting for boys to hear of his adventures at his high school, too.

I set up a studio to paint up in B's room. He offered it as he really only sleeps there. I just can't find time to work on it. I also am supposed to finish Ralphie's sweater, but can't find time! My Lighthouse activity is really picking up... and I need to make sure I keep on top of that. Though I am SO glad I decided to limit my work to close parishes. It got too much last year when one visit to a far away parish would eat up half a day.

I want to get us back to weekday Mass once a week. We got out of that habit over the holidays. Also I want to get back to Adoration.

Well, my poor sick dh just got out of bed. He fell ill in New Orleans yesterday and I need to make a doctor appointment for him.

This was nice. Have a nice day!

New Tact on the Journey...

Well, it is a cold, rainy day in Houston and a fresh batch of icy air has moved in. Fellow Houstonians are complaining, but you won't hear that talk around here. We love it!

I am finding this blog is migrating in purpose a bit, which makes sense for journally type writing. It started as a place to explore thoughts on why and how we home educate. But I see now it has become more of a place to reflect a part of our life and home to my friends. It may migrate back again later.. who knows?

I think most of my visitors are friends, and they check in on me, and as most have blogs I check in on them. This is so fun. It is like icing on the cake of life. To be able to fire up the computer and see what my long distance friends are up to, see pictures of new babies, or birthday parties, or trips to museums. How cool.

I also find that when I blog, my journals are much more detail than the ones I keep on my own. Though the ones on paper serve other purposes (more detailed for credits, private thoughts not appropriate for the Internet.. lol), etc. So, it is a nice complement to the other journalling I do and I plan to print it all off for my binders every so often. It is also a creative outlet for me. Feels good to write and produce some pleasing blog entries. Do others find that?

So,it seems this blog is fast becoming more of a slice of our life. I think that may attract a certain audience, but also will bore others to death! lol

So, onto my next post.. as I sip my coffee and listen to the rain and thank God for my wonderful life here in rainy SE Texas.

God Bless!