Valleys on the Journey

The other day on the UC list I posted about how I wished I could stop time and savor my family where we are-- forever. I really meant it. Most of you know I have two older kids, 16 and almost 13. I see the 'end' coming.... and I will join the ranks of Empty Nesters in coming years. I must say I envy my friends that have babies or toddlers as their time with their kids seems to stretch out forever.

Now, I still mean what I wrote. But I wondered if it sounded a bit smug. Like, wow, everything is so wonderful here in the Kelly house every day that I want to freeze my perfect family just like it is! Yada yada yada...

I firmly believe in acknowledging the joyful times. Savor, enjoy and share. I loved it when friends do this as I find it so encouraging. And I love sharing the joyful times. It helps me be grateful, something I think many of us often forget. God wants us to be grateful, he gave this all to us.

So I felt I needed to write a bit about this valley. Not just for others but for me. Blogging really is a great tool. I can think about these things and they swirl around in my mind, but when I get to the keyboard and have to compose the thoughts, they seem to really gel. Plus I can go back and look at them later and see where I have been.

This week has been a valley. Not a crisis, as we are all healthy, dh has a job, no devastating storms... but it has been a dip.

I think it is in part due to me being a woman. God saw fit to equip us with these volatile moods and feelings. But I know he also gives us grace to deal with them. And friends to encourage us. But my mood has been teetering. My men have noticed and laid a bit low. Kind of funny when you think about it...:) he he hee. Do they know me or what?

What has gone wrong? Nothing earth-shattering, but I will list some here to help me clarify and maybe if anyone is reading this, they can relate. But if no one is reading, that is ok...:+ .. as this is therapeutic for me.

I am depressed over what is happening at the UN. Where are all the normal people in America who love our country and will stand up for it? Why are these insane world leaders running roughshod over us and getting cheers? Why is the press covering it? I know some of the answers as I just read The 100 People Who are Screwing Up America by Bernard Goldberg and agree with most all he wrote. As a Catholic I know that our government is not perfect, but I also know that we are the last "minority" that is free game to attacks.

I am saddened over the attacks on the pope. Again the press is so simple-minded, sound-bite-driven and if someone like me can google and read the first 2 pages of his talk and see what he meant, then why can't all the world leaders, press and pundits that try to simplify and twist his words? God bless you, Holy Father.

I have also been pulled away by something wonderful in my life, but find I am having a hard time balancing my duties at home. I recently hooked up with
Lighthouse Catholic Media
which helps parishes set up an audio CD ministries. (Check out the website.. great video on there of Scott Hahn endorsing it!- Click on Endorsements) I am meeting some wonderful people and love the product, and learning... of all things sales. I have learned that what sales is, is explaining the process to people and then helping them find a way to bring it into their organization/parish. I have met the most wonderful faith-filled people, including local priests. But my house is a wreck, laundry undone and I feel out of sync with my boys.

Now, I know that sometimes this space is good for them. But things are in that 'glaring' stage. Where every small thing seems big. Do you know what I mean? Like, they are supposed to fold the pile of towels. It went unfolded for 3 days. And, the upstairs never was cleaned up. And then what I do is extrapolate it into:

"I am failing as a parent."

Wow, how did I make that jump? All or nothing thinking. My nemesis.

Also, to add fuel to my smoldering fire, I went for a mom's night out with a group of just wonderful ladies in my local TORCH group and I really like them so much. But, of course the talk got to schedules, lessons, etc. They were of course very polite with me and we found lots of common ground, but I did feel a bit out of the sync. It made me question what I am doing again, especially since I am in this current stage of busyness with LCM phone calls and appointments and wondering if my boys are doing enough.

I know the remedy.. prayers, journaling, reading and taking some time to hang out with them.

And, at least I *see* this before it gets blown out of proportion. Thank God for that grace and these learning steps I have taken over the years and for my dear friends who have encouraged and shared.

I have really tried hard to work on the all-or-nothing thinking as it relates to many areas. One being homeschooling style. I really respect all moms and their choice of style and have worked to find common ground, and there is so much. We are all homeschooling, love our kids, bring in wonderful resources, share our Catholic faith, etc. This is not an "either-or" thing. It is a "we're-in-this-together" thing. I have come a long way.

Another set-up for these valleys, I find, is when I do share my successes. Sigh. Is this God making sure I am not getting prideful? Remember my post on our LOTR group? Well it didn't go so well yesterday. S, it turns out got so involved in LOTR for so long-immersed himself in it- that by the time we got the group together he is now tired of LOTR. The group was smaller yesterday and I have not finished the books and it flagged a bit. Oh well. Perfection is not the goal and I am humbled.

So, we are in a trough. That is ok. My goal is to learn to keep perspective. I know this is a real chance to grow in holiness and that must start with humility.

Everything will not go as I want it.

I will have to deal with irrational emotions.

My boys are imperfect.

We have down days.

All is not lost.

It is time to pull in and be extra careful to think of our blessings of which there are many, oh so many. I know this is also the time to tune into others and their needs. I am not the center of the universe. Time for coffee with a friend. Time to listen and seek to understand.

Time to give thanks. Oh I feel better just for typing this out.

God Bless,

Cindy