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Men and women disagree on staying sexy
By WHITNEY CASEY

If a picture is worth a thousand words, then a picture of a supermodel next to a thousand words is apparently worth a lot more when it comes to reader's e-mails.

Words like "sexist," "ridiculous" and "right-on!"
It seems my recent advice from supermodels Heidi Klum and Karolina Kurkova on how to keep a man's attention is getting a lot of attention.

Is that my leg or hers?
Jude, 34, from Houston writes, "It is about time women hear from other women that keeping vigilant of their sex appeal counts with men even when you've been with someone for a long time." Jude goes on to explain how his girlfriend of four years who was once fastidious about her personal grooming is now a little sporadic about shaving her legs. "I am in love with her and would take her hairy or shaven. But I find it hard to feel romantic when I reach down to touch her legs and can't figure out if its mine or hers!" Yikes.


A wooly mammoth and a mother of three
While unconditional love of wooly mammoth-legged girlfriends is Jude's concern, an even hairier situation was growing for 46-year-old Marcello from Pearland. After being married 21 years, Marcello says, "It all started with her hair.


"When our first child was born, she cut nearly 7 inches of long, sexy hair to a short cut because it was easier. Three kids later, it's still short." Along with short hair came very little makeup and a lot of baby weight gain that never seemed to leave. "This isn't the woman I married. She isn't sick, she isn't working, the kids are in school, why doesn't she take care of herself like she used to?"


Empty-headed supermodels?
While men mostly complained of complacency, the women who wrote in were incensed, outraged and insulted by the models' advice.

One of the most thoughtful female missives came from Susan:
"That was the most sexist, demeaning, and narrow-minded article you have written. As intelligent as you may be, to insinuate that women need to be sexy all the time in order to keep their partner happy is outrageous! No mention of being educated, a good conversationalist, successful, kind, generous with your time and talent. ... No wonder models are thought to be empty-headed sex symbols who are only out for what they can get from others. Do you actually agree with what you wrote?


"I am no big feminist. I have been happily married for 21 years to a very kind and successful man; I teach at a Catholic school where I am adored by 18 children daily; I have two very kind, intelligent and responsible teenagers; and have never once felt compelled to 'stay in a sexy attitude for my man as much as I can.' That is not to say that I am a slovenly barbarian, but I don't believe the presence or lack of daily sex appeal is the route to a happy home, successful marriage, fruitful career, and respect from my peers."

As I write this column with my University of Virginia degree, an Emmy for journalism and a sparkling personality, wearing sweats, no makeup and unwashed hair in a ponytail, I am in extreme appreciation of e-mails like Susan's. I've always thought a woman should be measured by what she brings to the table, not how she looks at the table. But then again, I am still single. Hmm.

Sex appeal from the expert
"It's a cop-out for women to assert that he should love me for who I am, not how I look," says marriage and family therapist Jenifer Beckman with the Center for Counseling.

"He fell in love with you for many reasons, not the least one of which is, how you look. Face it, women, men are visual. Deal with it. An attractive partner/spouse is one of man's most basic emotional needs. Just because it isn't one of yours doesn't make it insignificant."

When a man is attracted to a woman, one of the first things he notices is how she looks, Beckman says. He then gets to know her and falls in love with other aspects.

"You fell in love with him for certain reasons, including the fact that he is meeting some of your emotional needs. What if he stopped meeting those needs ... because she should love me for who I am?" Beckman says.

Mirror, mirror on the wall and other pointed questions
"Is it fair that once you've landed a man you stop doing the things that got him attracted to you in the first place?" Beckman asks. She concedes that men often have unrealistic expectations for women based on what they see coming from advertisers and the silver screen, but she underscores that it doesn't have to be that severe of a transformation — just back to the basics. He isn't asking you to look like a supermodel or to remain eternally young. Merely to continue to take care of yourself the way you did when you were trying to catch him.

So, while sitting here with my unwashed ponytail hair, no makeup, flip-flops, sweats, sparkling personality and college degree, I realize if I meet a guy at this coffee shop today, I'm set for life!


E-mail Whitney Casey at http://www.whitneycasey.com/.