Life After Kids...

A rather shocking title to many of you I know out there. Maybe God is having me go through this way before many of my friends to help prepare you for this rocky journey.

I know, I know, live in the moment. Enjoy every blessing. Don't look forward and don't look back... :) That is all true and it is all scriptural, too. However, having two soon to be grown boys, I can't help think about life when they are gone.

I want them to grow up, of course. And be independent and have happy, healthy lives (God willing) and be what God wants them to be. But, as they become more independent and need me less, I see it takes quite a bit of will and magnaminity to be the mom who is that wind beneath thier wings, so to speak.

When they leave, there will be a very, very big hole in our lives. I have had to face this, think about it, imagine it and feel it. Because I know it is coming. When I have cleaned out closets and found pictures or scribbles they did when they were six, I thought my heart would burst. I miss those days so much. It is a grieving process. But I think at least I know it.

And I know that I can trust God to fill my life back up again. Probably with something I won't even expect. Trust, that is what it all comes down to.

I had a friend tell me this week that life after kids is glorious. Her children are grown and gone and she is expecting her 2nd grandbaby soon. Her relationship with her husband has blossomed and she is finding that is deeper and happier than it was before kids. That is something nice to think about.

I know God is preparing me and just as my heart finds little nuggets of joy, I am finding bittersweet moments, too. It is like small little vignettes to let me know it is time to step back. He is letting me see in little bits how my life is changing, my role is changing and my family is changing.

Some of these are milestones, other are just little markers along the way of life.

Ones that have stuck in my memory are:

The first time I heard the toliet flush by itself when my oldest was 3.

The sound of lunch plates automatically being carried into the kitchen after weeks of habit-reminding.

Every little milestone of when I could leave the house for a minute, then for a bit longer, then with cell phone for an hour, then all afternoon, and now all day if I need to.

The Saturday afternoon that I left for errands and no one seemed to notice. It didn't cause a major wave in anyone's life that I was gone, they (all three) had become self sufficient. (You remember baby todder stage, when dh and you had to tag team...)

When my son(s) began explaining things to me that I didn't understand.

The day my oldest was taller than me.

The day my youngest was taller than me.

All the little things I have handed off- from reminders to change underwear to bring down laundry. It is all being done by these grown up boys.


Yesterday was one of those moments, when I realized my life is appreciably changing.
Boys were occupied with a friend visiting at our house. A friend of mine was taking her 6 kids to the roller rink and would be sitting and coloring with her youngest so invited me to come chat.

So, I entered the crowded roller rink, sans children. We talked above the din. Another homeschool mom showed up and we chatted and she asked were my children were.

At home. I said.

She looked surprised! Such a foreign concept to be doing something *without* your kids! I know it was foreign to me until a couple of years ago. But now I am finding though our lives are intertwinned, my dh, boys and me all have different interests, too and levels of social needs and we are all together, yet independent.

It is new and I am open to it, waiting for what God has. Life is exciting and it is not scary..... as long as I remember to trust...