Tough Homily

My pastor had a tough homily to give today.

To set the stage: He is new to our parish, having been here about 3 months. He has spent his weeks here tirelessly trying to build community in our very large suburban parish. This weekend is our Fall Festival, a 20+ year tradition, which now has the main objective of paying off our new Million dollar + sanctuary. Know that, being in the part of town we are, we heavily support the DSF fund and the whole of the diocese missions financially.

So, that means that Father had to preach about divorce to a population of parishoners, that if you rely on statistics, are most probably divorced. The latest stat I heard is that mainstream Catholics are at about the same divorce rate as mainstream mainstream. And isn't that around 55% or so?

So, here he is. Trying to win the the hearts and minds of the parish. He has worked so hard the last months to build community. It is very easy for a 3000+ family parish to embarce standoffishness. It is easy to hide in a parish this big, or just stop coming.

When I read the readings for today I knew it would be an interesting homily.

I was at Mass alone, due to family logistics.. I had to do something yesterday, dh has to get on an airplane today, etc- so we split up.

So there I sat in the almost front row, alone, no family to distract me. :), listening.

He began with--- 'Humm.. it is Fall Festival time! Now I have to talk about divorce!" laugh. laugh. It was a good beginning. God gave him a wonderful personality and ability to connect.

He dwelt on the way God designed things. Genesis. How God planned on Man to marry woman. How they were to be together forever. How Moses got it wrong (you may divorce, per Deuteronomy) because hearts were so hardened. Jesus said we have to soften our hearts, be like little children. How do we feel when our designs are tharwted? When our children ignore us? That must be how God feels when his plans are laid aside....

I pretended, as I sat there alone, what it would feel like to be one of the divorced. Father said that most all of us go into marriage wanting that happy forever life. But something goes wrong. And then we have guilt, ansgst, worry.. if we had just done something different.

He also talked about those couples he sees. Those who have been married for decades (technically I am in this catagory). Some still hold hand when leaving Mass, talk together, help each other, laugh together. (techincially I am often NOT in this catagory...)

Yes, I want to be one of those, too.

I thought about how hard it is. Maybe it comes natrually for some couples, but many have to work at it. My dh and I talked about his on the way to the airport. He said how the 60's really was the beginning of so many problems. I agreed. I think I am still overcoming years of being a teen and young adult in the feminist and ME eras. I was so far from God, but I know he was with me all the time. My dh and I met in the midst of the ME people.. MBA school in the early 80s. Can't get much more ME that that! :(

It is work. To begin to serve others, and especially your spouse. But the Chruch gives us the parameters, the 'box' to try and stay within. Thou shalt not murder. Thou shalt not lie. Thou shalt not divorce. (look at 10 commandments and Jesus's teachings on marriage) Once we know that is a given, it is amazing what we can do to stay in the box. And to grow. When there is no back door, the yard looks a lot greener. This was not in Father's homily, but was in the one in my head.

It is hard in our culture today, because divorce is so common. I thank God for bringing me to the Church because it gave me my parameters. And I am a questioning sort of person. But there is so much depth here, if you care to look you can find where the source is for all of the teaching.

If you care to look.

And, I feel that comes only when we finally open ourselves to the grace of God. (OK, end of my homily)

God Bless all married people and I pray they will look to the source of teaching about divorce. I know this. When my wonderful Dh and I argue or I get so frustrated with him I want to spit,(watch out you short dachshunds below!) I know one thing. He knows we are together forever and so do I. It might depress him (poor guy) but it gives us something to work for, and I know, I need a lot of work. I am thankful he has been as patient with me as he has.
God's graces are working.

I pray that all priests will preach the truth, no matter how hard it is today, because really it is freedom.