The Continuing Journey

I think I am getting to the essence of what I have read and heard from unschoolers all these years. For the past 4 years I have dabbled in an unschooly life to various degrees. All the time trying to read, understand and absorb this essence.

I often sensed a sigh of frustration from some of the writers. Like there was something real and palpatable there, but they could not express it in words. The best way it could come out was in blurbs such as "respect your child" "trust them to learn" and such. Good words, but were they worth the loss of 'control' that is so comforting to parents? Humm... the 64 thousand dollar question.

Control though, really is an illusion. I am finding this to be more and more true as I watch others see their children off into the the adult world. What did the control really accomplish? (another post)

The essence I am seeing is within my sons, one 12, the other almost 16. Thinking mostly about the older one, here, though the younger one is right on his heels.

I know everyone reading has had issues and challenges with their dc over the years. Those things that are the sticking point... the things we wonder if we can handle. I have had some of those, too.

I know my gut reaction was always to fix it or find the answer.. or somehow control the situation. I had the same scenario with academics. When in doubt, schedule up some lessons, or assign some reading. Part of this I had to work out in my Knowledge Party posts here, which have done me a world of good!

But, what I am seeing now is several concerns, worries, (typical mom stuff) is working itself out.

Working itself out. :)

Just like the wise mentors I have known over the years told me it would. Working itself out.

I know IT didn't work out by itself. What IT really is, I think, is my son growing and maturing with a sense of self and relationships firmly in place. Faith plays an important part. Relationships are/were foremost. I am not saying everything is perfect here (if you want a perfect family blog this is the wrong place...!)-- but I am seeing an essence- again what I think I was reading about in the unschooling circles.

I am seeing my son now come to me to talk about things that I had wondered before how we would handle. But he has come to them on his own terms. I got some wonderful advice on things such as this (like future career, the college question, math.. other stickler areas)--- the advice was to just give him the information. Slowly in my son's case. Plant seeds. Let him consider in his time. So much is going on inside our kids that we don't see.

Sometimes I think parents expect kids to just pop up and perform on call. We bring up a topic and expect an immediate response... but really it takes time. It is like when we eat right and exercise, we may not notice results on the outside right away, but something good is happening inside.

That is what I have seen with my son. I know it would not have happened this way if I had not backed off. :-) I needed to let him have that space, but still plant seeds. Like in How to Really Love Your Teenager.... give them focused attention when the time is right but also give them space.

So I am watching this son grow up--- fast. It is like everything is coming together. Like when you show your little one phonics and read aloud and point out words, then one day, it call comes together and they read a sentence. Kind of like that.

I think this is real journey stuff, too, because it was the process that makes this life. I am a goal type person. This is dangerous as a homeschool mom b/c often my need for goals can play havoc with my kids. Especially those kids of mine who are more perceptive and need process time.

I had to really step back and think. And let them be. But not be too far out so that I felt I was out of their orbit. (wow.. great journey words here!)

I like setting goals, and my boys have learned to set goals, but they are only steps in the process. And the process is what we remember. The moments, the personal journeys we took, the journeys we took together.

So, watching my almost adult son grow and change I can see the culmination of years and years of experiences he has had. I know he is more laid back than many kids, but he needed that time. Time is such a gift. He had time to process. It is almost palpatable how all of it is coming together now.