This Is It

In 1980 I was about to graduate from college. I was sharing an apartment with my still good friend and one evening we began contemplating where were were in life.We were on the verge. She was taking her CPA exam and was about to start working for Big 8 accounting firm. I was about to head for graduate school. Exciting times. Very exciting and we knew it.

As we talked, Kenny Loggins began to sing on the radio. The song was "This Is It!" Having remarkable presence of mind for two heady 21 year olds, we *knew* what that song meant to us. This is it. What we have been waiting for. All the work of the past 4 years was coming to a phoenix and we were about to be off on our own. In the world.
(yes I was technically still going to be in school, but I was off on an adventure to a new city--- alone.)

Often in the 25 years since then, I have had moments when I heard that song in my head and thought about that moment. That was a defining moment to me. Maybe it did not really chart my future (as I only stayed one semester in that grad program and didn't go into that field), but it was the process of the moment- *thinking* that yes, this is a moment, this is it.

In college, and really so often in all of life, I was thinking about what was next. Not what is now.

I recently read a proverb in a book. ( It was horrible book I could not get past the first chapter of, but enjoyed the proverb.) It was about a man who was running from a tiger.

The tiger was in hot pursuit. The man ran and ran and came to a cliff. He had no choice. He had to jump or be eaten. He perched on the edge and looked down. At the bottom was another tiger licking his lips. Should he survive the fall, he would still be lunch.

He jumped. On the way down he caught hold of a branch. He hung there a few minutes looking up, then down, both times seeing hungry eyes of the tigers. As he clung to the branch he noticed a strawberry growing wild off the side of the cliff.

He reached and plucked it. Putting it in his mouth he savored the juicy ripeness and intense flavor. And for that moment thought how wonderful that strawberry was.

Ok.


I was up early today and decided to head out to Starbucks for a big cup of coffee to have this morning until I get the boys up for Mass at 11:00.

As I stepped out the back door I noticed the weather.

It was steamy and warm. Sigh. Mosquitoes began to buzz, zeroing in on me as usual. Double sigh.

But I think I had a moment I have not had in a long time. This Is It began to play in my head. I realized that this is life, right now, right here.

The pending move see here, and here

has had us thinking a lot about how we live and where we live. What we have. What God has given us. What excitement there has been in change in the past. But it mostly has had us look hard at what we have now. Here and now.

We have been in Houston for 8 years. But I still find I have the mentality of 'what is next'? I think this is all part of the journey. I find this related very strongly to homeschooling.

How often are we in the mode of thinking about what we want our kids to 'become' or 'do'. In my heart I know it is the process. Every important thing I have learned or experienced in my life is just that, an experience. It is not a checklist.

Ok, back to the walk to my car.

I stepped outside to walk to the garage. I stopped for a moment.

We had made a decision. A hard decision, but the outcome was to stay here. This was what we chose. (Or what we hope God has chosen for us for the moment.)

I looked around at my mosquito-filled imperfect back yard. The mulch pile that has grass growing out of it. All the things I could leave behind if I moved.

I thought of the things in the house that subconsciously bug me. The dirty traffic areas on the carpet. The dated office with the dark paneling.

Then outside. The traffic I could hear on the main thoroughfare which has always been just too close to our house.

Then I thought of how this moment in time is now. These things are just things. They are part of my life. The good things rushed in, too. The lovely pine trees. The soft (humid) air. The birds and nature. The lovely large house we were able to buy at a great price.

Here we are. I am no longer in waiting mode. I can go ahead and do all the things I had on hold the past month.
-Get my car A/C fixed
-Finalize plans to teach the course at the community college
-Get more involved in my homeschooling group
-Get my crown fixed.

And more.

I realized that on this journey, I tend to always be in waiting mode for real life to start. Waiting for things like losing 10 pounds. Or, for the house to look better so we can invite people over. Or, for my dh to finish something-or-other so I can do what I decided was a function of him doing that. (That is a trap, I can tell you.)

So, I decided. Life is now.

Ok, to finish the story, I drove to Starbucks. As I was talking to the barista we began to chat about how the big Starbucks down the road is open 24 hours on weekends.
I asked who would go there at 3am?

She said mostly bar-hoppers or bikers. Bikers, she said, take rides out to East Texas all night and come in to town in the wee hours and stop for coffee.

Wow.. all this is going on while I sleep. Not that I want to be out there doing that (or maybe I do? Riding a motorcycle all night has great appeal to me), but life is going on. This is it, now. This moment.

So, I think this tells me I am going to try and be more present. Not just with my kids, but with myself. Of course I can't do it every moment of every day. Overload.

Eating right and exercising is important here. To me, this eliminates the dieting thing. If I eat right and exercise, then God will shape my body how he wants. And I will have health and the clarity of mind to live life. Mind-Body-Spirit.

Now, homeschooling the boys. This is going to turn into more posts here I can tell.

It is a fine line between planning good things for the dc and turning it into an assembly line. I need planning and structure for myself. But soon the plan turns into the god. How to find good stuff and lead them without it consuming our lives and the process of life.

A friend mentioned in the past that she would have a saying or motto she would try and live by for each year. Post it on her fridge.

I never have purposefully done that, but I think one has evolved for me this year. It is to be authentic in all we do. Authenticity. In relationships, learning- everything.

I think this is coming full circle to that. If I can look at life, realize that this moment is now, shed the expectations and false goals and products, but look at relationships and the process, authenticity can rule. And I can see that this moment is it. Even imperfect moments.