Lulling

Good Morning from the sultry Gulf Coast.

I have been thinking, quite against my own plan, about lulls.

I have had some very productive discussions on line in past years about lulls. I realized, yesterday, that I was in one with my studies/life. I wanted to take a moment and reflect on this. Not pass it off-- because understanding my nature and the ebbs and flows of myself will help me better understand my dc.

Like many homeschool moms, I often expected my sons to chart a steady course. One chapter a day in this, 30 minutes in that. Or when we shifted to more interest-led, I would seem to covertly expect them to chug along on a project or book at an even keel. When they slowed or stoppped, I would worry they were not learning anymore. (Would they ever again?)

As I mentioned in previous posts, the past few days have been fairly intense study for me. The boys have been engaged in their own projects and I have the luxury of using CDs during the day as I do my work, so I have had several hours of study time, either by listening or reading.

Yesterday my brain registered FULL. I had to stop. I had to find a change of pace. I hung out with the boys for a while and saw what they were up to. I ran errands. I didn't study any more about C.S. Lewis.

But, the information I had gleaned was rattling around in my head. I was thinking now and then about it, applying it, sharing it with my dh and the boys at times.

More than that, my mood was definietly in a lull. I think part is the low level stress in our house as we still discern the move. There are reminders everywhere, such as several long range plans that crop up (such as the TORCH planning meeting- will I be here next fall to enjoy the fruits? or the class I was going to lead at the local community college-I postponed it until spring..)

This to say that our children also have complex lives and thought patterns. They learn in bursts. I am seeing that they need time to lull, too. And just because the outside looks quiet, I realize that there is often a lot going on inside.

But, based on yesterday evening, sometimes there is not a lot going on inside. I was just tired. I watched Northern Exposure and vegged. Sometimes we need to veg.

The crux: it is so easy to still try and make this home life artificial. We force this and force that. I think school is so highly ingrained in me that I find myself gravitating back to even what the surface of it looks like. Discipline, chores, virutes, responsibilty.. all are good. Needed... required.

But, it is really amazing how I still execpt learning to be this generic format. Hummm...

I know lulls make me uncomfortable. I think it is not until I have had several months (years) of living with them, working through them and observing them that I can see their value. The immediate response is to ignore, deny, cover up, or roust the dc out of them.

I am going to try more to tune in to the lulls (without annoying the darling boys too greatly) and see what is happening.

If I feel that need to see 'production', then I will dig a little deeper or go read my journal and see what they were up to last week.

Back to my lull.

I feel much better today. My mind is refreshed. I began the day with a walk with my old dog, Boomer. It was slow, but I saw how it refreshed him. Like exercise refreshes me, too. Variety. Mind, body, spirit.

Sometimes we need to give the mind a break and let it connect with body and spirit.

I am understanding my lull better now, too. I was frustrated with myself for the way I was feeling and what I was *not* getting done yesterday.

Lulls are needed. And needed to be understood and not just glossed over. That is what I am thinking about lulls atm.

God Bless,
Cindy