Unique-ity

I just made the word in my title up...It means: how we are all so unique.

I made a discovery as my family was split and then reunited the past week. Many of you have probably figured this out, but this is becoming real to me, so, as this is my 'journey' blog... here it comes! :)

You know how we all get ideas from each other. Sometimes we will ask for advice with a problem, others will share and we will read and think about how things work in their home. Also we will just share our joys, what is working.

I think the wisest people are the ones who know, deep down, that every family is different and can take all the great ideas and advice and filter it.. or just know deep inside that it will not all fit. And when they dispense advice, they do it in a way the sets that as the undertone.. such as.. "Well, this is just how it works for us.." et. al.

I have typed often about how relationships and learning work around here. But it was not until my oldest was gone that I saw how much different the dynamics were. Very different.

I think if I had just B around all the time, we would change things. He needs lots of stimulation and I know my boys interact all the time together. It is only when S is gone, that I get 100% B. We would have more structure. We would plan more outside things. I would give him some goals, or help him define them. We would monitor his VG more. (When the boys are together playing VG they constantly talk, write FAQs, etc - when alone, he began to play 'too much' and get that zombie look. We talked about it and he agreed. And I think I better understand moms who have the problem with a dc zombie-ing out.. that just has not been a problem here before...!)

So, it was very interesting. I think if I had only Stephen how we would adjust. Or if I had my two and another one... or another two.. of varying personalities. Family dynamics are such a fluid thing!

Another factor is my dh.. he now works from home 24/7 except when on customer visits. We adjusted to that. And the kids keep getting older and changing.. we adjust to that. And my life takes new turns.. we adjust to that.

But the big eyeopener was how the dynamics and personalies of the dc are so influential. I completely understand a home with lots of structure for dc who need/want/enjoy/thrive in that. We have a 13yo friend who loves it!

Again, for me the real key and challenge is defining how much they need, how much I need and how much is noise that I am doing for outside reasons I should be ignoring.

But, when I read other's ideas.. or am tempted to give advice.. I am going to remember this. We all are living in different realties. But we are ALL unique, lovely, wonderful, imperfect, perfect families!

Ok, I have to say it one more time.. from our Blessed Pope John Paul II:

Families Be Who You Are!